An old man I knew long before becoming one myself used to say, "Some people just can't find enough ways to make damned fools of themselves."
And he would know these things; his nickname was "Doc."
For our latest example, I present this stable American, a Utahan who recently took a notion to take an excavator from a construction site in Salt Lake City, drive said excavator a mile to a grocery store, and tear the pavement up in the parking lot.
It was noontime, a couple of Saturdays ago, when police went to check out calls they were getting about a random guy making random passes in the grass strip and sidewalk at Smith's Grocery Store.
The cops took photos and videos of the brand-new mudhole trench in the parking lot to entertain the prosecutors. The suspect, who has been enjoying being in police custody, caused "significant damage" by tearing out a water pipeline and ripping out brand-new fiber optics utility lines. At least he didn't hit the gas line, probably because he didn't know where it is.
The whole stupid thing started when someone left the excavator running at another site. I'm sure from time to time, every one of us has left their excavator running, I mean, you never even dream that some joker will rip it off, but here you have it, that one-in-a-million shot. The construction crew piled into someone's pickup and chased the heavy machine to the supermarket, a scene that must have reminded stunned passersby of something out of "The Dukes Of Hazzard."
Witnesses at the grocery put down their bagsful of rotisserie chickens and pound cake long enough to corral the unidentified suspect until the police showed up.
Why would he (of course it was a "he") do this? Practicing for his final exam in heavy equipment school? A grudge against the supermarket for being stingy with their sandwiches? A lost bet, a won bet, a bad day at the track, a broken romance, a desire to be on the 7 O'Clock news?
I'll bet you a roast beef sandwich that the USA leads the world in chuckleheaded clowns.
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