Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Great ideas in male garmentry

Oh, well now, I mean, really.
You've heard the talk, the rumors, the buzz.  Will I or won't I? The paparazzi are clustering outside my house, cameras at the ready to get a shot of me walking down to get the mail while wearing a romphim.

It's the romp-HIM, a romper for men, as opposed to the previously female romp-HER.  It's a shirt, it's a pair of shorts, and you don't have to remember to bring one or the other when you pack for the big weekend in the Hamptons.  Or the Hampdens, whichever.

It sort of reminds me of those little shorts that little short boys wear, the kind with suspenders already attached. That's the money shot for kid photographers - a pic of a little boy in blue shorts with suspenders, a white shirt, and a beanie style cap. All over Baltimore, these pictures sat atop pianos in living rooms and downstairs, they were on the wall, hanging from the knotty pine paneling.

The people whose job it is to decide what's fashionable and what isn't have come out and said that men should run to the nearest haberdashery and prance home wearing one of these epicene outfits, and I know it will come as no surprise that the fashion experts can include me out on this one.

Mr Cam Newton can have my romphim;
I don't need it.
For one thing, I have a thing about my pants not being made of the same pattern as my shirt. The closest I would ever have come would be to wear a denim shirt with jeans, but I even drew the line at that.

For another thing, I would tend to look like ten lbs. of potatoes in a five-lb. bag in one of these getups.

For a third thing, they look like shorty pajamas that Joan Collins would have worn in a 1960s movie.

For a fourth, I have three pairs of shorts: khaki, slate, and olive, and no need for a fourth.

But thanks for making me laugh, fashion world!

No comments: