Thursday, March 9, 2017

Fired Up

Old-time fire buffs in Baltimore will recall the time in the late 60s when a local tuxedo rental firm had the horrible misfortune of a warehouse fire that totally obliterated their entire stock of worn, outdated, out-of-style tuxedos and dinner jackets that had just been moved into the warehouse in question days earlier.

Such a shame.

Likewise, connoisseurs of fine dining at Burger Kings across the nation and the world are often moved to tears at the sight of a flaming burger joint.  Especially if you live in one of those towns with only one BK, meaning there is nowhere else to go to slake your hunger for Whoppers, Double Whoppers, Triple Whoppers, Whopper Jrs, and BK Single Stackers. 

You take open-flame broiling, performed by a staff of people unschooled in fire prevention techniques, and you get this:

But never let it be said that the advertising people who make up the commercials for the King will miss a way to turn their misfortune into business, by a new advertising campaign that features burning Burger Kings.

Did you know that Burger King has had the highest number of restaurant-related fires than any other fast-food chain since they grilled their first burger in 1954?
The slogan for the ads, appearing in print only, is "Flame Grilled since 1954." There will be pictures of flamin' Kings in Oregon, Italy and Pennsylvania.  

This was a fire at a BK in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. The fire occurred in September of 2015 and they reopened a new restaurant last November, meaning 14 months of Whopper deprivation for the luckless residents of Amish Country.

Next up, if my guess is right: Ford ads showing F-350 monster pickups getting slammed into by large delivery vans and coming out with the worst of the encounter, and of course, the upcoming "Liar Liar pants on fire!" commercials showing people whose cell phones catch fire in their pockets.

And now all I can think of is, I want a whopper. 

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