Friday, July 29, 2016

An inside look at shoplifting

It was time to get some new plastic tubs to hold my grilling gear (fourteen spatulas and a left glove) so I went to the Home Depot to get two of these BA containers.

It was sad when I took them to the checkout, because the cashier, slightly embarrassed, had to open each one and peer inside, making sure that I hadn't hidden a drill press or six 2x4s inside.

I understand the need for this scrutiny, although I think it's funny, because anyone who knows me would know that I am the last person to try such a ripoff. First, because I am one of those who believe that karma would deal me a swift kick in the twig and berries if I tried it. Second, because my face would be a virtual lie detector...I would be blushing, sweating, my nostrils would flare, and I would stutter and stammer and yak and yammer until they had to call someone over to assist me to a seat.

So, I asked the lady how often it happens that people are found smuggling stuff inside other stuff.  "More often than you'd think," she said. 

And what do they say when you find a set of Vice-Grip Pliers and a bottle of Gorilla Glue inside a storage box they're buying? "One of two things...either they say they meant to buy that stuff and just stuck it in the box to carry it up here, or they say they have no idea how it got there and it must have been in there when they picked up the box."

I love talking to people about their jobs.  I worked with a woman who worked part-time at a tuxedo rental shop, and she reported that Mondays were days for guys to show up looking for the cell phones, cigarettes, car keys, knives, jewelry, wallets and bags of weed they had left in the pockets of the tux they wore on Saturday for Tony's wedding. 

And on Tuesdays, they came back, looking for Tony. 

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