There was a story on the wire the other day that said that cereal consumption among young Americans is way down. It seems they would rather grab a granola bar or McDonut or whatever, eschewing cereal because...believe it or not...eating cereal means you have to clean up the bowl and spoon afterwards. And these people are too busy to do that, you see, since they have to get back to their video games and social media feeds and not wearing ties to work.
And here comes a more valid reason to leave the Corn Flakes out of your morning chow. The story, as reported in the Washington POST, says a video surfaced online showing a man tinkling on a Kellogg factory assembly line. Kellogg's learned of the video last week and contacted law enforcement and federal regulators.
It's been determined that the video was recorded in 2014, and, "It is important to note that any products that could be potentially impacted would be very limited and past their expiration dates,” the company said. In other words, he PROBABLY didn't splash much on your Rice Krispies Treats, granola clusters, or puffed rice, and even if he did, you already ate it and you didn't die or anything.
"We are outraged by this completely unacceptable situation, and we will work closely with authorities to prosecute to the full extent of the law,” the company went on, admitting they haven't the slightest idea who this person in the video is.
Snap, Crackle and Pop have reportedly been brought in for questioning and released. Reached at his million-dollar lair, Tony the Tiger refused to comment.