It seems there's another war being fought everywhere you look anymore, and lately, because there just is not enough for Americans to fret about, sage people like Billow Reilly have taken to informing us there is a War On Christmas.
To listen to him, anyone who dares to wish a friend a Merry Christmas will be hauled off in legirons and sentenced to sing all the verses of The Twelve Days of Christmas while sipping egg nog and gorging on cookies and fruitcake until visions of sugarplums begin dancing in their heads. And they get all spun out of control about store clerks not being able to thank Jews, Muslims, Hindus and atheists with a wish that they will enjoy a holiday they don't celebrate.
America has been defined as a large nation full of almost 320 million people, all of whom are looking for something to get sore about. I celebrate Christmas and I wish a Merry Christmas to people whom I know to be fellow celebrants. To all others I extend greetings for a happy holiday season.
I mean, gee whiz. It's Veterans' Day and we're already all churned up about the holidays, and this year, it's the color of the Starbucks cup we are bickering about.
Really. They use a different color cup every Nov and Dec to sell you 32 cents worth of coffee and caramel color, 50 grams of sugar, carageenan, and bean residue for 6 dollars. This year, in place of the former holiday cups that used to have images of snowflakes, pine trees and reindeer, they are servin' up the java in a red cup with just their logo. And people are screaming about this being another bulb dropped in the War On Christmas! (Remember, while people are raving mad about what's ON the cup, they don't seem to be concerned with what's IN the cup, such as NO pumpkin in a "Pumpkin" Spice Latte.)
Not even knowing that the stores sell Christmas coffee and Advent calendars, suitably decorated, could mollify the easily-riled.
As always, I see this commotion unfolding and I offer these helpful tips:
- First of all, if the color of the cup in which someone sells you a cup of coffee, coffee that you could make better at home for cheaper, upsets you to the point of having to write to Breitbartsimpson.com about it, you might want to consult a physician or therapist or reiki healer.
- Many Starbucks are located in Target stores. Why not stop by the stationery department before tossing away your hard-earned money on mocha java? Buy some crayons and draw whatever Christmas symbol strikes your fancy on the cup, and then be transported back to first grade in your mind as the crayon aroma fills your SUV with the scent of melting Crayolas.
- Someone, please, start a War on War.