Thursday, May 14, 2015

Mirror Mirror

I heard about a survey that said that men look at themselves a lot more than women do.  Startled, I had to find out more about the survey, and it turns out that it was taken in England and commissioned by a company that caters to the sort of man who would use products such as Peppercorn Tightening Face Moisturizer, Sumptuous Sandalwood Body Butter, Tinted Face Cream, Woodland Beard Shampoo, Strawberry Lip Shine, and something called Mr Bright Eyes.

So, I mean, yeah, you ask guys who use that sort of grooming aids how many times they adore the image they see in the mirror, and you're going to get a lot of guys who identify as metrosexuals saying, "Oh, five or ten times an hour."

(Note:  don't make the mistake I made of thinking that a metrosexual was a guy who liked to have liaisons on the bus or subway.  A metrosexual is a guy who is especially painstaking about his grooming and appearance, that's all.)

In the world I inhabit, a mirror is used when I first get up to check and see if I am indeed vertical and how many cats are riding my back.  (Eddie has that way of letting me know it's 0515 and she is hungry.)

Later, I will check the mirror while I shave.  I use a razor, so it's best to avoid severing the carotid artery while whittling off the whiskers.

And then at night, I look in the mirror when I start to floss the old choppers, so I don't wind up flossing my ear lobes again.

Three times per day does me fine, but the Avaj company over in England says their respondents eyeball the looking glass 23 times a day, and women who answered, answered "16 times for me."

The guys said the main use for their mirrors (and you can be sure, there are plenty of them in the Houses Of The Vain) is to admire themselves and the body parts they like the most.

Most of the of women surveyed said they looked  for reassurance that they look OK.

Oh and there's this - the average man in this survey spends 10 minutes a day ogling himself!  That's six and a half days per year that these men lose, and I get to spend, on pursuits such as going to Dollar Tree to get $1 shampoo, bars of Pear's Soap, shaving cream and toothpaste.

And here's the topper to it all...these guys spend a king's ransom on their beauty  grooming aids, and then they go out and dress up in those ill-fitting Pee Wee pants and jackets and look like, well, Pee Wee.

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