Saturday, September 24, 2011

Twixt Twelve and Twenty is where you'll find his IQ score

Some facts that we know about Pat Boone:

  • He was the #2 record-selling act of the 1950s, trailing only Elvis.
  • He made his fortune selling bland, soul-free versions of rhythm and blues hits.
  • His real name is Charles Eugene Boone.
  • He wrote a book telling teenagers how to behave. The book was called "Twixt Twelve and Twenty." All this happened before his wife threatened to leave him for his alcohol binges and partying.
  • He got in trouble for making false claims in a tv commercial about a zit lotion, and had to fork over 2.5% of any money the Acne-Statin company had to pay out in refunds.
  • His career long since over with, he put on a black leather vest and put out a heavy metal album in 1997. Then when he got kicked off a Christian tv show for doing heavy metal, he claimed that the album was just a parody of himself, so he got back on, just without any dignity or honor.
  • Pat Boone claims that the theory of evolution is an "absurd," "nonsensical" "bankrupt false religion".
  • He later wrote an editorial in the form of a fairy tale where a young Prince Charming was seduced by a dwarf, got AIDS, and then overdosed.
  • He says that liberalism is a cancer and compares liberals to "black filthy cells" he saw at a cancer research center.
  • He claims that the president of the United States is not eligible to serve as president of the United States, that the read the Koran while growing up as a child in Indonesia,is fluent in Arabic, and does not celebrate Christmas in the White House.
  • His daughter Debby inflicted "You Light Up My Life" on America and the world in 1977.
 Now the old crooner is hollering that he was in Kenya in 2010 and "everybody" was telling him that Barack Obama was born there.  Well now.  Obama can't be president because "everybody" in Kenya told the man who sang "I Almost Lost My Mind" that Obama is a Kenyan (according to Pat Boone.)
As you might recall, the president trotted out his longform birth certificate in April, which even shut Donald Trump's mighty yap, but now Chuck E. Boone says he knows the document is a fraud, based on his many years of law enforcement and forensic experience, and also because he sang "Love Letters In The Sand."

Hi Pat! I'm a liberal and I don't respect you at all.  If you've said all that you have to say, please shut the hell up and let people with a little intelligence do the driving.


Kat said...

You gave me a go laugh today except now I'm humming Love Letters in the Sand!

Mark said...

Thanks, Kat - now DO NOT, under any circumstances, begin humming "You Light Up My Life!"

Glad your trip to Africa went so well!