Saturday, August 13, 2011

Saturday rerun: "Then the Law is A Ass" (Mr Bumble, from Oliver Twist)

Before we begin these proceedings, I would like it on the record that I am not one of those people who condemns all lawyers for being lawyers.  A blanket condemnation - what good is that?  You can't hurt a blanket's feelings anyway!  It's like people who run on, or vote for, a platform of "throw the incumbents out!" So the person you vote for gets sworn in...making them the NEW incumbent!  "Hey! Get out of here!"  "But I just got here!" 

The madness goes on and on.  No.  Lawyers fill a worthwhile role. If someone runs into your car, you're gonna need one to wring money out of them to repair the Biscayne.  You'll need to consult with one when it comes time to make out a will (so they can make sure you spell my name right!) or sell something or buy something or process something.  They work in the law; that's where they get the word "lawyer," same as a "sawyer" works with a saw and a "carpenter" works with cars.  You get the point.

Joseph Robinette "Beau" Biden III
The greatest VP of all time
Dr Bradley
Beau Biden is the son of our excellent Vice President, the esteemed Joe Biden. Beau is an attorney; as a matter of fact he is the attorney general for the great state of Delaware.  Here is why we need guys like Beau. You see, a Dr Earl Bradley was a pediatrician in Lewes, DE.  This is the town where one boards the ferry to go to Cape May NJ and it also is the town over which a raging argument rages over how to pronounce its name.  Some say "LEW-is," and some vote for "LOOZ."  But there is little dispute that this pediatrician was a bad guy.  He's accused of being a child molester who did unspeakable things to his young patients and videotaped the horror for whatever reason.  He allegedly had the alleged videotapes in an alleged garage outside his alleged house, and when the cops showed up with a warrant to search the house, they allegedly also went through the garage, which is where they are alleged to have found the damning tapes.  So now the doctor is out on a ledge, allegedly, so to speak.

So the doctor lawyers up and claims that the tapes should not be admitted into court because they weren't obtained in the exact location specified in the subpoena.  Legally, he probably has a leg to stand on, a leg that he will probably need to run away from people in prison who will take a low view of his short eyes.

But here is my question.  How does it feel to be that guy's lawyer?  How do you feel when you excel in high school, whiz through college, get accepted into law school, do well there, be graduated, take the boards, hang out your shingle and start the practice of law, only to wind up doing this?  

The morning of the hearing, do you wake up with the sun dappling your forehead, stumble into the kitchen for a big bowl of muesli and a cuppa java, hop in the shower, pull on your blue pinstripe and wingtips and then go to work, knowing that every day of your life has led up to the moment where you could put your training, your intelligence, your knowledge, the honor of your field - populated as it is with the likes of Brandeis, Frankfurter and Douglas (William O., not Oliver Wendell) - to work to help an alleged child molester, to help him beat the rap on a technical error?  

You're going to tell me that everyone deserves a good defense, and I'm going to tell you that some offenses are beyond the pale.  This fellow, armed with pistols and homemade bombs because he is part of some well-regulated militia, took hostages in the Discovery Channel building in Silver Spring MD the other day because he objected to the programs they showed on their network.  He complained that Jon & Kate + Eight contributed to the overpopulation of the world and raised Malthusian objections, which he is entitled to do, and then he took hostages and threatened lives, which he is not.  His rebarbative actions led to decreasing the world's population by one when he died.  Had he lived, there's an attorney in Lewes DE who wouldn't mind helping him.

On June 7 of this year, Bradley, now aged 58, who was accused of sexually abusing scores of young patients, was found guilty on 24 counts, including 14 counts of rape. He faces life in prison without the possibility of parole at his Aug. 26 sentencing.

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