Thursday, August 4, 2011

Circling The GLOBE

Everyone is stunned! Everyone is shocked! Everyone is sexy! Well, almost.

I always have to take the pulse of our nation, a zeitgeist check, when I'm at the Bag 'N' Save, because what speaks more to our national thoughts, hopes and dreams than the contents of our magazine racks? 

You might remember a day when British "royalty" was relegated to the back pages of TIME magazine, when the editors, needing to lighten things up a little during missile crises and gas shortages, would show pictures of them dressed in their hilarious get-ups and hint broadly that the Queen Mum liked her little toddy now and again.  That all changed with Princess Diana, who brought movie-star looks and photogenic qualities to the cold gray castles along the Thames.  The Royals became like stars themselves and brought their equine majesty to the Star, Enquirer, Globe and dozens of other scandal sheets, as well as all those shows that come on between 7 and 8 PM, Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight among them.

Seeking new people with which to amuse us, the producers of the gossip shows and magazines went for the criminal element.  They dipped their toes into that pool with Patty Hearst, the newspaper heiress turned kidnap victim turned radical bank robber.  Then came OJ Simpson, and Amanda Knox* and now, of course, Casey Anthony, whose penetrating glare beams out of countless supermarket racks.  I have to admit, this woman scares the hell out of me, and even though I know that as soon as the various shows ante up a pile of bucks to get her to sit for an interview, she will be back on tv every night, I just wish she would go away. Not likely.  For now, though, for the price of one magazine, we can learn the secrets about her that the prosecution apparently forgot to bring up at her trial.

After the trial, everyone was shocked and stunned that she got off.  And people were shocked that Jennifer Lopez and her erstwhile husband broke up.  And people are shocked that some actress is wearing a teeny tiny bikini while strutting around the beach with a retinue of photographers trailing behind her.  And people sit there reading the news and read, "A man climbs into the lion's cage at a zoo and YOU WON'T BELIEVE what happens to him!" 

What's wrong with me that I was not in the least shocked, stunned or surprised that Casey walked, JLo dumped Mark, Jenny McCarthy tried to buoy her sagging career with cheesecake, and a lion ate a man foolish enough to enter his space? 

*might not be guilty, but the Italian court is going on summer break now.

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