Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Ins and Outs of Colonoscopies

With a family history of colon cancer, I have been obliged to get a colonoscopy every five years since the age of 50.  Today's the day. Hooray!

What it looks like
As anyone who has done this can tell you, yesterday was the day that really bit the big one.  A liquid diet just does not agree with me, but they want the highway to be wide open when the camera goes a-lookin' for traffic problems, as it were, so my normal breakfast bagel is tossed aside in favor of low-sodium chicken broth, beef bouillon steps in as pinch-hitter for lunch, and dinner is a veritable feast of more broth, some lemon jello and maybe a lemon ice.  I had black tea and lots of juices.

And don't you know, as I sat and watched TV in the afternoon, I found out there are over 27 shows on cable dedicated to the art of cake creation and dedication! What Hath Duff Goldman wrought, I hollered!  Flip away from that, and it's a Popeye's commercial - then a spot for Checkers - and then another cooking show.

What you THINK it looks like
Not complaining.  This is a vital part of my health. I can't help it if eating solid food is also a vital part of my plan.  Today, we will go to the hospital and I will have the "procedure" done, after which there will be a short period of discomfort.  Not for me! For Peggy, who will be in the waiting room as I come back to consciousness from the stupor of the anesthesia.  The uneasiness comes because I am liable to say most anything in this state.  And just like the guy with the fire ax who is stationed to run in and save Penn (from Penn and Teller) in that bit where he is chained upside down in a huge vat of water, Peggy sits on the edge of her seat, ready to spring into action if I begin telling a nurse the one about the nervous young lady on her first visit to a gynecologist. Then Peggy will drive me home by way of the diner.

And in 2016, we'll do it all over again!

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