Thursday, March 24, 2011

A B C D E F G H I got a gal in Kankakee...

My sophisticated humor remains a mystery to most children and many grownups, but I enjoy cracking myself up, so it's OK.  Just the other day, I said the word "stinkbug" in front of my five-year-old great nephew, who thereupon fell into gales of laughter.  Two reasons for that:  a) any word with the letter "k" in it is funnier than any word without it*, and 2) it uses the word "stink," which is automatically funny to five-year-olds and up.

So, the stinkbugs are making a big comeback this year, just when we all thought their popularity would be limited to the year 2010, like Lady GaGa.  Science has put aside their quests to cure the common cold and turn baser metals into gold in order to squash the stinkbug problem.  

And as soon as you squash one, that's when you find out why they call 'em stink bugs to begin with!

Two means of eradication are being considered.  There is some sort of non-stinging Asian wasp, in the genus Trissolcus, that can be trained to track down stinkbug eggs, lay a single egg of their own in each of the eggs, and then move on in search of more.  Like in the movie "Alien," the baby stinkbug is then eaten from within its own sac by a parasite.  Sigourney Weaver is definitely on board for when they make a movie about this.

Plot #2 is that the brown marmorated stink bug is a favorite snack of bats, which can eat 1,000 of them in an hour, thereby eclipsing my personal record for Hint Of Lime Doritos.  So all you have to do is get a bat house in your back yard, and let them do their thing.  A simple plan for building your own is shown below.  

Talk about family fun!  Tell the rest of the gang that you're all going to spend the next 16 weekends building wooden bat shelters, and then you'll invite bats to inhabit your back yard this summer.  Then tell me how they feel about that!

* Take this simple test.  Which word is funnier:  "kabob" or "stew"?  "Kalin" or "Palin"? "Kankakee" or "Kalamazoo"? That one has to go to "Kankakee" for the triple-letter score, but "Kalamazoo" still stands as a doggone funny town.

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