Friday, May 21, 2010

Leading in all the poles

It's May, so once again it's time for the annual "scandal" involving "scantily-clad" beauty contestants. Salon has an article online about Rima Fakih, who won the Miss USA title/crown /tiara/chance to be affiliated with Donald Trump's hair/ this past Sunday evening.

Well sir! You read the article and you find out that Ms Fakih participated in some radio station's stripper pole contest three years ago! Oh, the humanity! How are we to survive as a nation, yea, as a civilization, if a young woman does such a horrible thing? Imagine, cavorting around like that.

Many people will imagine it for months.

Last week during one of the medical tests that I go for as often as Trump goes for a cut 'n' rinse, the doctor asked me to step down off the exam table and walk down the hallway, while I was rakishly clad in gym shorts and red socks and nothing else. He needed to examine my gait as I strutted around. The doctor said, "Oh, don't worry; there's plenty of privacy. All of the staff are up front." I ambled to and fro in the hallway, innocent of any concern. Anyone wishing to see my unclad torso is welcome to come to the beach at Cape May later this summer. Rub a little Sea and Ski back there while you're looking, will you please?

It's as if no one ever saw a woman in a small bikini, and then they get all worked up when they see a picture of a woman in sheer lingerie. What I see at the beach every summer certainly shows a lot of epidermis, and I can't say that I find it horrifying. "A thing of beauty is a joy forever," said John "Johnny the 'K' Keats, who was the overnight deejay for several Romantic stations back in the day. I support the right of anyone wishing to do so to be pretty and attractive, and I just as fervently back those who wish to cover themselves in sackcloth.

It's a free country! A young Muslim girl can be Miss USA, and the only hue and cry being hued and cried is about her doing stripper pole stuff. As Yogi Berra pointed out upon hearing that Dublin, Ireland, had elected a Jewish mayor, "Only in America!"

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