Thursday, March 4, 2010

Whiz Kid

Don't you hate it when you get caught violating one of your own rules? Don't you feel like one of those goofs who call the police to complain about rampant speeding going on right out in front of their house, for cryin' out loud, and the kids come around with their souped-up cars and that crazy rock and roll music and speed like this was Indianapolis or something? So then the police come out and set up a radar trap I mean speed enforcement zone, and who's the first one to get caught going 55 on a residential street? Mr Come-and-get-these-kids, that's who!

So I have long made it a policy to, how to put this nicely, answer nature's call when the chance comes along. You never know.

Just the other day I was rushing to a meeting in another building. I kinda shoulda hit the men's room before I left, but I said, "Nah, get there, get set for the meeting, and then use their Tinkletown."

So, you know what happened. I got caught speeding. No, just kidding. But I was caught up in another problem so I had to deal with that, and sure enough, as every second ticked by, I said to myself, "why did you not go when you had the chance?" Because I am a knucklehead, came the reply.

So I ducked into the private area of another department, and saw what must be a universal sign. Those people whose business it is to print up FOR
RENT and FOR SALE and DON'T EVEN THINK OF PARKING HERE signs are really missing out on a sure sales leader by not printing signs that say "If it's not yours, don't touch it" for posting in work area lunch rooms the world over. People always have to put these crudely-lettered signs on their Kelvinators at work, because some son of a is always stealing lunches. There's always one. I personally don't know how they sleep at night, what with their booty of purloined paninis, stolen stollens, and ripped-off roast beef.

Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him,
And makes me poor indeed."

And if you rip off my good name and my lunch, I'll be poor and hungry. Heed the sign, brother!

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