Friday, March 26, 2010

Lot's wife's favorite song: "Turn Around, Look At Me"

Those who are on the road must have a code that you can live by, said David Crosby, a man who obviously has lived his life by following codes, laws, rules and regulations at all times. For us early-morning commuters who are on the road before 7, there are several principles at work on the way to work. F'rinstance:

- - It's ok to be singing along aloud really loudly with the windows up. Particularly at stop lights, the sight of a would-be Wayne Newton or fake Fiona in the next car over is ok, but the sound might not be, so windows up, Idol runners-up!

- - Turn signals, please. We really need to know your immediate plans if you are just ahead of us, and since most of us don't have ESP, your blinking taillight that signals your intention at the coming intersection is really a plus.

- - Also, it is nice to have some intention when you get to the light. Yes, the radio antics of the Morning Lunatic Asylum Bunch on K96.3 are compelling. As Bart Simpson said, their cruelty and profanity amuse us all. And schlurping on that foamy latte, well, just ask any Freudian why so many enjoy that caffeinated thrill. Many spent the 38 seconds at a red light adjusting their makeup, breaking out the mascara wand, straightening their ties, adding new apps to their i-Phone, rehearsing their sales pitch for the big meeting with Linoleum Inc later on, and some even use the time to do their transcendental meditation or throw the I Ching. But, when the light turns green, it's time to put those pursuits aside for a little bit and motorvate!

- - When you live on a main road, not a cul-de-sac, court, Trail or Way, you have to expect a lot of traffic to be going by your house in the morning. However, in due consideration of the problems you already have just living on a street that is no stranger to car chases, car crashes and car noises, we, the early morning drivers, hereby grant that it's ok for you to come out on the lawn wearing whatever costume you choose to sleep in to get the paper. We bestow the status of invisibility upon you, so go ahead, bend over and pick up the SUN. (If someone wishes to submit that last half of that sentence to the SUN as a suggested advertising slogan, feel free. I also have one for the Orioles as they once again try to start all over again: "We believe in new big innings.") But for real, if you're out there in your slippers that look like two orders of cotton candy, a lacy peignoir and a headscarf, well, just go ahead, mister. Pick up your paper. We ain't looking!

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