I'll have the double Roethlisberger with everything

Yesterday morning as I sallied forth ( got to look up and see where that expression came from!) across the avenue on the way to work, an eastbound motorist blew his horn and gave me a sort of goggle-eyed look as we passed. At first I thought he was trying to tell me that my lights weren't on, since it's fairly dark at 0710 these days, but no, I was beaming like Adam Lambert with a new tub of hair goo, so that wasn't it. And I was following not only every motor vehicle law of the great State of Maryland but also the laws of every neighboring state, except that one regulation in Pennsylvania requiring the "operator of any and all motor vehicle(s) to mount and maintain on the hindmost section of said machine a photograph of a bottle of Heinz ketchup and an authentic hex sign of no less than 24" in diameter, to ward off evil spirits." This is, of course, known as the Heinz/Ward rule.

I should have 86'ed that whole joke, but anyway...The affable driver of the other car was trying to warn me of radar ahead. Used to be, a flash or two of the old high beams was the universal warning signal. In fact, police will tell you that their supervisors would drive by and flash the beams at them back in the day, which was their signal to go set up a radar trap er speed enforcement zone somewhere.

So, I guess the secret about the radar zone is out, but at least other people are kind enough to let me know that there might be a traffic hazard ahead, what with all those cars sitting there idling, all occupied by drivers with guilty looks, pained expressions and stories ready to spin. There is no more conspicuous feeling than sitting there on the side of the road, waiting for the cop to come back with your ticket all written out. It's like report card day for those over 18. Or over 40, in a 30-mph zone.