Things that it is time to do!

• Take down the McCain/Palin signs from yards, barns and fences where they remain, two months since the election and scant days before the inauguration of the new president. Ever notice that you see more campaign signs for those who lost after the election than for those who won? With no hanging chads to pull victory out of the grasp of defeat, the vanquished can only look back to the halcyon days of ’00, and look how well that worked out for us all!
• Stop using “Amy Winehouse” as the punchline, Jay, Dave, Craig and Conan, for every joke where the payoff requires the comic to fill in the blank “currently dissolute celebrity.” All that “I’m not saying she’s a substance abuser, but blah blah blah” just is not so funny any more, plus Ms Winehouse is fast joining the Zsa Zsa league of people who are famous for being famous. Can you name one of her songs?
• Decide! right now! about whether or not to watch American Idol – the season premiere is next week, and once again, I’m in for a penny, in for a pound, or whatever it is that the English say. From the ridiculous also-sangs at the beginning, to the cheesy drama of the Hollywood week vote-offs, to the coronation of the winner, I’m down with it all the way.
• Reconnect. My mom used to have a couple of sayings that she used all the time. One of them was, “Mark, put those records away, and go learn to do something useful!” and the other was “Make new friends, and keep the old: one is silver and the other, gold." Well, I am happily finding a lot of silver-and-gold-haired oldtime friends on Facebook and online and it’s always so great to spark up conversation about good times old and new.
• Find out why the current vogue is to have an Australian-sounding accent in radio and TV commercials. Sure, that Geico gecko is as cute as all-get-out, but lately I hear spots while I’m in the shower (which is better than seeing spots while I’m driving) and the guy is droning on like Switchblade McGee or whatever that Aussie guy’s name was who made two movies and went back down under. This accent-man is talkin’ abou’ a Cybuh-knaife, which will enable modern medicine to make great strides in their war against distended duodena…but why not just a regular neutral accent? (I just remembered: it was Crocodile Dundee. For two movies.)
• For that matter, let’s find out why so many people who own their own businesses – or are the CEO or COO or COO-COO of someone else’s – insist on doing their own commercials. Sure, I used to be a professional DJ/announcer, and made some side money recording commercials and industrial safety films (“So…let’s review what we’ve learned so far. Ingots are hot – no bare hands!”) but it’s no skin off my teeth if amateurs cut the ads. But they aren’t so good at it, for the most part, any more than I would be good as the Chief Jet Engine Inspector for some firm. So, announcers announce, and business leaders lead businesses, and let’s leave it that way, please.
• Take a Whopper Virgin to lunch at McDonald’s. Keeps ‘em guessing!