What was rumored since last summer is happening - your English teacher is marrying your gym teacher: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are going to tie the knot!
With my luck, our invitation will arrive next week. Our mail is notoriously slow and misguided, so if Travis and Taylor sent us a wedding invite, it might not be here in time.
The whole barn dance will take place at the Madison Square Garden up New York Way, apparently on Friday into the yawning on Saturday, and you know the rules are strict for us guests: dress to impress, black tie, no cellphones (they will be confiscated at the door, just like the schools are going to do this year).
I have a black tie left over from my uniform. It's nice, a polyester clip-on, and with a bottle of ReNuzIt, I can probably get most of the stains out in time.
Trav 'n' Tay took out a permit for between 500 - 999 people, and some mighty big names are on the roster: George Kittle, Andy Reid, Graham Norton, Suki Waterhouse*, Ed Sheeran, Zoë Kravitz, Jack Antonoff, and Stevie Nicks.
Kittle told some magazine that Trav laid down the law: absolutely no gifts. You're telling me they don't need a toaster oven or an iron or an Oster Osterizer!? Everybody needs something! Big reader that he probably is, Travis could use a Barnes & Noble gift card, and what bride doesn't want a one-year supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat?
I'll tell you everything, soon as I can!
* Who, now?
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