Bawdry Bird

As a connoisseur of really bad jokes, I must know a dozen that involve parrots. And it would be hard to think of anything much cooler than walking around in a pirate getup with a foul-mouthed feathered friend on my shoulder.

But I just missed the chance to adopt one!

The Niagara SPCA animal shelter up in Niagara Falls, NY, recently took in a white-fronted Amazon parrot, and no sooner had he gotten a good look from his new perch than he started in on the staff and volunteers around him.

“Do you want me to kick your [expletive]?”  

No wonder a woman had brought this bird named Pepper, along with six parakeets, to the shelter for rehoming. You can't have that sort of talk in the house! What if the parson and his wife stop by for a visit?

Amy Lewis is the shelter director, and she was clear about what a prospective adopter could expect from Pepper.  She said on Facebook, “If you think Pepper’s feathers are colorful, you should hear his language.” 

(Birds of this species are known to ornithologists as conures. I even have a name all ready to go in case I get the chance to bring home a bird like him - I will call him "Jimmy Conures.")

But seriously, folks, Ms Lewis said, "Somebody get this guy a bar of soap or a humor-loving home!”

To the surprise of no one, over 400 applications to take the prattling parrot home came in from all over the country.  “It seemed like everyone wanted a cursing parrot,” Lewis said.

And after three weeks of studying on the matter, Ms Lewis and her team settled on Tiffany Turner, a special-ed teacher, and her fiancé Tim Sage.

After all, they had another cursin' person-impersonator at home, so what's one more potty-mouth parrot?

Ms Lewis did say that while such a critter might be embarrassing to have if he breaks bad in front of the bridge club, it might be a good thing if he helps make unwanted guests scoot along.

Peggy says, no bird needed; she has me to do that.