You're darn Tuten

Why does every story with the words "longtime", "Alabama," and "sheriff" wind up sounding like there's a movie coming up, with Matthew McConnaughey playing Sheriff Jim Bob?

Here's something from the Associated Press:

ATHENS, Ala. (AP) — Lawyers for a longtime Alabama sheriff seeking a delay in his theft trial wrongly claimed the officer was being tested for the illness caused by a new coronavirus.

With Limestone County Sheriff Mike Blakely set to go on trial on felony charges, his attorneys told a judge in a court document filed March 6 he was hospitalized and being tested for COVID-19.

But testimony during a rare Saturday hearing showed the 69-year-old Blakely wasn’t being tested for the illness, and Circuit Judge Pride Tompkins criticized the defense for making claims that could cause a public panic, The News Courier of Athens reported.

I don't like it if he lied to the court, but you gotta love that hat.

There's a bonus for you: the judge's name is Judge Pride Tompkins! Hot a'mighty!

And the judge said, "I don’t know what your tactic is, but it’s condemned by the court. And the court won’t tolerate it.”

The sheriff is being represented in court by attorney Robert Tuten, and with a straight face,  he told the judge that he simply made a mistake about the sheriff's health, and wasn’t “trying to pull a fast one.” The fact is that Blakely was in a hospital, complaining of a respiratory problem, but they brought a doctor to court who said no way was it COVID-19, and no testing was required.

Can't you just hear Tuten saying this: “There are apparently several different kinds of coronaviruses, but all we had to go on was what we knew at that moment”?  That's what he said.

That physician was Dr. Maria Onoya, who testified that Blakely was tested for several things, influenza and walking pneumonia among them, with all the results negative. She added that the sheriff had shown up at the ER three times.

Blakely, who has been the sheriff for 36 years, was indicted last year on multiple felony counts and one misdemeanor count, alleging that he stole campaign donations, got interest-free loans because of his job status, and solicited money from employees.

I have no idea if he's guilty or not, but this must have Hollywood screaming over who will produce the film. Hint: It won't be Harvey Weinstein.