Something blue

How many times have you heard someone say, "There's no need to curse if you know the right words to say."

Ah, but sometimes, a well-timed epithet IS the right thing to say.

• You get a flat tire and your spare is flat but it doesn't matter because someone stole your jack.
• You let someone pull out from a side street and go ahead of you, and they poke along at 14 miles per hour
• You burn the roof of your mouth on hot pizza
• You cut your thumb on page 382 of volume "M" of the World Book 
• You cut your thumb opening a Band-Aid to put on your other thumb
• You watch the news

All of these irksome tribulations can lead you to malediction. And why not? Even just talking to the guy down the street about those kids hanging around the light pole late at night, you're liable to hear a curse word fly.

Does that wreck your impression of the cursin' person?

Timothy Jay of the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has studied all this and his study of why swear words might bring out the humor.

Jay and his partner, Kristin Janschewitz, authored a study called "The Science Of Swearing," and they concluded that the occasional f-bomb of GD it is necessarily a problem. "We know this because we have recorded over 10,000 episodes of public swearing by children and adults, and rarely have we witnessed negative consequences. We have never seen public swearing lead to physical violence. Most public uses of taboo words are not in anger; they are innocuous or produce positive consequences (e.g., humor elicitation)," they say.

I have a feeling that they did most of their studying in salons, where the well-heeled sip tea and discuss Emily Dickinson.  In such a setting, an occasional imprecation would not cause a raised eyebrow or a lowered pinky.

But just mention Henry Wadsworth Longfellow at Lefty Louie's Trackside Bar and Grill, and you might cause a fracas just by mentioning someone else's Longfellow.  It's all a matter of context.

Jay and Janschewitz (not to be confused with 60's pop sensations Jay and The Americans) say that there are some jokes that must be told with the proper amount of original off-color language, lest the teller seem pusillanimous. What's more, a little profanity can reduce stress (see above), help one fit in with the crowd (remember the time Richard Nixon asked a tv crew, setting up lights and camera for an interview, if any of them "had done any fornicating over the weekend"?).

And they write that "swearing has a cathartic effect, which many of us may have personally experienced in frustration or in response to pain."

So hit your thumb with that hammer and let the pain out with a few blue "Golly gee whizzes!" I won't care.

What I heard at work over the years would embarrass a stevedore who just pushed a longshoreman off a pier.