The Great Escape

To a list that already includes "overhauling a transmission," "performing elbow replacement surgery," and "watching a Lifetime movie with Tori Spelling in it" you can add one more Thing I Will Never Do: Pretend to be someone else.

I can't act, and I'll be doggoned if I could put on someone else's clothing and pretend to be they.

And I'll wager that a certain Brazilian gangster wishes he (or someone) had never come up with the idea to bust him out of the calaboose wearing a silicon girl's mask, a dark wig, and a pink shirt.

Pretending to be his own daughter, you see.

Clauvino de Silva is the genius whose plan fell a little bit short. Tight jeans, pink shirt, a mask and a black wig do not a teenager make.

The officials said it was his nervousness that gave him away.

Also his homeliness, but they were gallant enough not to mention that, down in the slammer in the western part of Rio de Janeiro.

Another unresolved feature of the master plan involved leaving his daughter behind. Yes. She wore the outfit into which he changed, and put on his prison garb as he strutted out the door and right back into Gericinó prison. Police are investigating her role as a possible accomplice.

"Possible"?

The State Secretary of Prison Administration put out a video in which you get to see da Silva doffing the mask, some of the trendy clothing, and stating his full name.

Criminal mastermind da Silva was involved in leadership of the Red Command, one of the most powerful criminal groups in Brazil.  Brazilians are saying that he and his gang controlled drug trafficking in a large part of Rio.

With the failed escape in his rearview, da Silva was moved to a maximum-security prison and is really going to be in trouble, according to authorities.

So you want to see how he look as his daughter. Put your bagel down first, please:

I dunno. I think he looks more like Mayim Bialik.