Rolling Stones

As George Jones sang in his tender love ballad "Nothing Ever Hurt Me Half As Bad As Losing You," there are dozens of maladies waiting to afflict us.

"Well, I've had a splittin' headache from my eyebrows to my backbone
Arthritis, appendicitis, Bright's disease and gall stones
Bleedin' ulcers, ingrown toe nails, swollen adenoids
The Asian flu a time or two and inflamed vocal chords
I've had a toothache so severe my jawbone split in two
But nothing's ever hurt me half as bad as losing you."

If you're looking for a cure for these problems, you have definitely chosen the wrong blog. BUT if it's Kidney Stones that are ailing you, Bunky, then read on...

David Wartinger, a professor emeritus in the Department of Osteopathic Surgical Specialties at Michigan State University, says that riding a roller coaster helps patients pass kidney stones! And he points to a success rate of nearly 70 percent.

We don't know if Medicare covers the price of your ride.

In the study, published in the Journal of the American Osteopathic Association (your copy is in the mail today), Wartinger says, “Basically, I had patients telling me that after riding a particular roller coaster at Walt Disney World, they were able to pass their kidney stone. I even had one patient say he passed three different stones after riding multiple times.”

Well, you know how Wartinger is. He just had to make a synthetic kidney and try this thing out! So he stuck three kidney stones into the replica, and he and his fake kidney rode Big Thunder Mountain 20 times. And he got results like people using their own kidneys did.

Roller Coaster enthusiasts will note that Wartinger said, “Big Thunder Mountain was the only one that worked. We tried Space Mountain and Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster and both failed.”

Wartinger went on to explain that these other rides are too fast and too violent. But he does feel that people dealing with kidney stones should get on that coaster once a year and see what shakes loose, as it were.

“You need to heed the warnings before going on a roller coaster,” he advised. “If you have a kidney stone, but are otherwise healthy and meet the requirements of the ride, patients should try it. It’s definitely a lower-cost alternative to health care.”