Sometimes it's hard to believe we live in the same country

I understand that a lot of people like to hunt. I do too, but my hunting involves looking for a copy of Bob Greene's book about Alice Cooper, "Billion Dollar Baby," for less than a hundred bucks. It was a great story about how Greene, before he launched into his habit of despoiling young women who came to him for career advice, actually toured with and performed in Alice's show. 

But others enjoy putting on their camo gear and trooping out into the woods to shoot at deer who have the day off from running into cars on back roads, and that's fine. Whatever you like. 

But if you move to Oklahoma, "where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...Where the waving wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain..." you can strap on the Timberlands and go hunting for Bigfoot! That's right. One lawmaker down there wants to issue Bigfoot hunting licenses and set up a Bigfoot hunting season.

 But leave your rifle behind, because they don't want you shooting Sasquatch, the apey critter who is said to strut through the forests of North America JUST AS PEOPLE HAPPEN TO HAVE THEIR CAMERA READY and leave man-size footprints. They don't want him shot. They just want to make money from people who think he might be alive.

“I want to be really clear that we are not going to kill Bigfoot,” says state Rep. Justin Humphrey, a Republican. “We are going to trap a live Bigfoot. We are not promoting killing Bigfoot. We are promoting hunting Bigfoot, trying to find evidence of Bigfoot.”

However, here is what the bill directs the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission to do: Create rules, dates, license and fees “establishing a big foot (sic) hunting season.”

By the way, the word Oklahoma comes from the Choctaw words okla and humma, meaning "red people."

There must be plenty of extra money sitting around in Oklahoma, because Humphrey says he wants to put up a $25,000 bounty for someone who traps the cryptid (a being whose very existence is rumored, but unsubstantiated, such as Tiffany Trump.)

In fact, don't book a room at the Broken Arrow Motel 6 just yet. "We use science-driven research, and we don’t recognize Bigfoot in the state of Oklahoma,” Micah Holmes of the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation told a local news station down there. Holmes says the bill would make them create a new season and a new license for something chimerical (see Tiffany Trump). 

But look at how many tourists and hunters will come on down there, counters Humphrey!

“Having a license and a tag would give people a way to prove they participated in the hunt,” Humphrey told KFOR. “Again, the overall goal is to get people to our area to enjoy the natural beauty and to have a great time, and if they find Bigfoot while they’re at it, well hey, that’s just an even bigger prize.” 

If you recognize the name Justin Humphrey, it might be from the time in 2017 when he put forth a law making it illegal for a woman to have an abortion without the father's consent. He used the term "host" for pregnant women.

Cowboy hat, check. Bolo tie, check.

So he's 0 for 2 in the "good idea" category.