Living on Easy Street, dressing like Skid Row

I tend to spend a lot of time perched on the stool at our kitchen island, so when the first stools we had started getting wobbly, we went to Gardiner's to get new ones.

Out-of-towners might recognize that furniture store as being the one that promised that everything everyone bought the day before the Ravens won the Super Bowl in 2012 if a Raven ran back the opening kickoff of a half. Thanks to Jacoby Jones, a lot of people are now sitting on sofas and La-Z-Boys they got for free.

But I digress. When we ordered the stools, the lady said we could get them in pristine condition OR pre-distressed, with signs of wear. We went that way, to save me the trouble of beating the stools up by myself. They fit right in with our kitchen decor, which closely replicates a Cracker Barrel.

But stools are one thing, and sneakers are another. People just go nuts about their kicks. I have seen people buy shoe protectors to keep their ADIDAS all ADIDAS-Y, in much the same way generations of Baltimoreans have covered their sofas in clear vinyl so their bare legs will stick to them.

OR - people go out of their way to muck up their brand new sneakers. I remember in phys ed, everyone howled if you showed up with blinding white Jack Purcells, so you deliberately walked in mud (or what you thought was mud) on the way to the locker room.

It seems that some of us want to have others look at us as if we are down and out while all along they know we're rolling in it. I've never been sure of the reasons for this, but the good people at Nordstrom are here to help.

For just $530, they will sell you a pair of sneakers that look like they have been worn since 1975, and are being held together by tape.

No, really! And they are selling like crazy! Which is somehow appropriate.

The website describes the Golden Goose brand shoes as featuring
 "crumply, hold-it-all-together tape" and "a grungy rubber cupsole."


Responding to critics who say this is just another way to marginalize the impoverished by mocking their shoe wardrobes, Nordstrom said, "We're always looking to bring in new, different, and unique products. We realize taste is subjective and not every customer will like every product we carry."

I love offering choices, and for anyone willing to go $530 for a pair of ratty shoes, I will sell you TWO pairs of my well-worn Rockports for the same low-low price.