I've heard of stone crabs, but this...?

You know about the big stinkeroo down here in Maryland, where the PETA people put up billboards exhorting us to be kind to crabs by not steaming them alive and eating them with lots of Old Bay on them and corn on the side and a few ice cold Natty Bohs.

I like beer! I drank beer in high school and I still like it!

But it took a lot more than that to keep me off the Supreme Court. A lack of a law degree and a tendency to catcall people on the bench also contributed, and I'm not even here to talk about that right now.

They love their lobsters up in Maine, and I don't blame them. That is some tasty shellfish, served up with melted butter and an ice cold beer or two. Lobster tastes good.

But there is a woman up there who owns a restaurant called the Lobster Pound who had an interesting way of making the lobsters a little calmer before they got steamed, and now the state health inspectors are investigating her setup, because she was mellowing them out with marijuana before killing them to be served, cracked and eaten.

The Pound is still open, but you can't order the smoked variety for now. Charlotte Gill is the woman who owns the joint, if you will. She is a  state-licensed medical marijuana caregiver. And she is interested in making the world a kinder place, she says.

Meanwhile, no one knows for sure if getting a lobster stoned has any effect on how it's going to feel when they get the steamer treatment.

Emily Spencer is a spokesperson for the Maine Department of Health and Human Services, and she won't say if the state had asked Gill to halt such sales.

This whole thing is sort of cloudy to me.

But Gill told the Press Herald newspaper that “after being contacted by the state, and upon reviewing its present laws and codes applicable to this arena, and then making a few minor adjustments to our procedure, we are completely confident that we will be able to proceed as planned”.

“I imagine we will still have a push back from the state on our hands,” she said, “but we are confident that we will be able to field any issues they may have with us, and do it with grace. These are important issues and ones that can also benefit not only the lobster, but the industry as well. Truly we are not trying to go against [the state’s] wishes and would love to work with them in order for us all to make this world a kinder place.”

Spencer said it's time to drag another agency -  the Maine Medical Marijuana Program - and let them figure out if their program is meant to benefit shellfish. And that agency won't even say if they are looking into the deal. 

So, to sum up: a woman wants to drug lobsters, and the Health Dept. won't confirm anything, and neither will the medical marijuana task force, and no one knows if the practice will benefit anyone but the marijuana farmer.

I used to think I would like it in Maine, primarily because of the climate, but now I'm not sure. Just give me a plain old lobster and hold the dope.