Road Hog

I love having friends all over the world. As they explain to me the customs of their faiths and cultures, they in turn listen rapturously as I explain the goins-on in Baltimore and Maryland. A lot of the times they think I make stuff up, I'm sure, but such is not the case. Just look at the news!

One thing people overseas, not to mention the rest of the United States, can't figure out is this Baltimore Chaise Longue situation. That's the one that happens every winter when it snows and someone shovels out a parking place for him or herself on the street where they live, right in front of their cottage.

And then they go to work or to the Bi-So-Lo or Honest Herman's Liquors, and come home to find someone parked in THEIR parking spot which they feel THEY own because THEY dug it out and marked their turf with a chaise longue which Norm from two doors down moved so he could park there.

I tell you honestly, the police have had to be called in on these deals many, many times. There is a certain thing that is whispered in the ear of each and every lil' Baltimore baby upon emergence from mom's womb: "The street out in front of your house is YOURS."

It's not so, but many believe it to be.

Another interesting facet of life here in Mobtown is that the physical features of Maryland are interesting. The state is virtually bifurcated by the Chesapeake Bay, and many on the Eastern Shore side of that split wish that it were more so, and that no one had ever built that bridge to take us and our money to the shoreside.

But I like everyone over there fine, and I point to the following story as evidence that maybe they are all a little like Baltimore anyway.

Down in Willards, MD, on the way to Ocean City, a local resident, one David Catrino, was recently arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and littering with a weight exceeding 500 pounds. The Wicomico County Sheriff's Office says he blocked a road.

Again, please? He blocked an entire ROAD?

Booking photo

The sheriff says Catrino, 50, somehow placed one-ton (2,000 lbs)  concrete road barriers to block off completely the 7000 block of State Street in Willards.

No Chinese restaurant worth its chopsticks would erect won-ton barriers.

It's a dead end road, this State Street ("that great street, I just wanna say") and the barriers stopped people living on the far side of the street from...living on the far side of the street.

Catrino lives there too, and he told the sheriff that he put down the barriers because he believes he owns the street.

Well, I believe that the Orioles will play in the World Series, so beliefs are a funny thing, but State Street is a county road, owned by the town of Willards.

The deputies had to call in heavy equipment to move the concrete barriers while Catrino argued with the police and became disorderly, earning himself a free trip to central booking.

No one has been able to figure out how Catrino built his mini-Stonehenge, but it will all come out at his trial, scheduled for August 9, when he will face charges of dumping/littering over 500 pounds, and disorderly conduct.

All of this is just an allegation, mind you. The judge will decide.