Thursday, September 1, 2016

Make this cargo faster

Image result for button down shirt red tieBoy oh boy, man oh man.  When I was a kid, everything had to be just so...the right Weejuns, the right sox (calf length, with garters), the right khakis, the right buttondown shirt, and either a rep tie or a club tie. 

Image result for sloppy cargo pants
Stop borrowing kiddie clothes!

Kind of like the man pictured above, but no fedora.  And, oddly enough, in those days, when your sports coat sleeves were up to past your watch and your trousers became "high water pants" it meant it was time to go to Frank Leonard's or the Oxford Shop and buy bigger clothes. Today, young men dress to look like Pee-Wee Herman, but that's not my concern.

Image result for sloppy cargo pantsI am concerned that people on CBS are trying to tell me cargo pants and cargo shorts are not cool and and the news threw me into a sartorial snit, because if Marky Mark ain't wearing cargoes, Marky Mark ain't leaving the house.

This fellow up in Phila wrote his doctoral thesis on the importance and history of multipocket pants, and here we were thinking that you only got a PhD by writing about space travel and the Peloponnesian Wars.  No, Dr Pants says he grew up watching Banarama and Fun Boy Three videos, and they were always wearing baggy pants with a lot of pockets, so he figures it's ok.  I just stopped caring about the fashion rules a while ago, but...

I just decided, I am going to get my PhD in the field of Goofy Topics Other People Got PhDs In.  Wish me luck.  I will need a large grant from a think tank. 

And here is a woman named Heather Dockray, the Web Trends reporter for, who calls for the violent overthrow of the entire cargo kingdom. Lighten up, Heather. You're a female, and as such you can tote around a bar or purse or pockybook to carry your phone and change and keys and alcohol-based skin sanitizer and flashlight and knife and granola bar and datebook and pens and I don't know what-all else.  Men need pockets for all that, and we don't care that all that junk makes it look like our thighs are the size of Hibbing, Minnesota as we walk into the Dollar Tree for more stuff to carry.

We stopped worrying about what our thighs looked like the last time we were measured for a suit and actually enjoyed having our inseams measured.

A tape measure! Something else to carry around in my cargoes. 

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