Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Looks like I picked the wrong week to fly from Glasgow to Newark

Let's say you want to take a long trip.

"You want to take a long trip."

OK, now let's say that you want to go from place to place with minimal trouble.  If you want to get to another place within the 48 contiguous United States, you can drive.  

Greyhound? Trailways?  Interesting ways to meet new people.  

AMTRAK? Faster than the bus and there is usually no traffic to slow them down. 

Cruise ship?  Does a weekend go by that we don't hear about some SS Princess Of The High Seven Seas having to come back to port six hours after embarkation because half the passengers have the cyrus virus and tanorexia?  

Airplane?  Now you're talking.  Yessiree, let me stand in line for three hours, have to take my shoes off and have an involuntary wand colonoscopy just to get on the plane so I can sit between a traveling sump pump salesman and the guitarist in a Rod Stewart tribute band.

And then there was this...

In Scotland a couple of weeks ago, two United Airlines pilots were getting on their plane to fly 141 souls to Newark NJ when airline security swooped down on them like they were after a couple of alleged drunks.

Because they were!  Allegedly. United Flight 162 from Glasgow to Newark Liberty International Airport was scheduled to depart at 9 on a Saturday morning, but they didn't take off until 10 hours later when a sober crew could be rounded up to take the plane to New Jersey.  

Britain's Daily Mail identified the allegedly schnozzled pilots as Carlos Roberto Licona, 45, and Brady Grebenc, 35.

"The two pilots have been removed from service and their flying duties,” a United rep said. "We are cooperating with the authorities and will conduct our own investigation as well. The safety of our customers and crew is our highest priority."

Otto will fly us home, no problem
Years ago, Lenny Bruce did a bit about an airline pilot being overheard saying, "Boy, that guy at the airport bar can really make a martini!"  And that was funny then, because no one even dreamed that someone would get high before going high in the sky.

Just a month ago, two Canadian pilots were arrested at the same airport and charged with trying to FWI (fly while intoxicated).

Has anyone thought of talking to the bartender in Glasgow? 

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