Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Ad infinitum

I don't have a money-making brain, but I have an idea that is bound to make someone a very rich billionaire (as opposed to a needy billionaire) and how nice would it be if they would, say, take me and Peggy out to dinner to show their gratitude.

It came to me the other morning while I was hanging around the foyer here at the Lazy 'C' Ranch.  I noticed there are two windows on either side of the front door, and above the windows there are little areas bounded by molding, about a foot wide and four inches high.  And I got to thinking, how about if I were an umbrella merchant, and wanted to advertise my umbrella to people who are leaving their house - this house - and might be going out into the rain?  What a perfect place to put an ad, right as someone might need a little mental nudge to remember to take an umbrella, or, even better, be embarrassed by still using that umbrella that someone left at the office in 1978 and buy a new one!  So here's the deal:  the umbrella company pays the ad company, and the ad company goes around talking people into putting this little ad right by the door.  The homeowner gets a little money, and free decorating for a hard-to-gussy up area.

Everybody loves a party, and everybody at a party likes to guzzle drinks while a guy in a red sports jacket beats on the drums until the parents come downstairs in their robes and pajamas, flicking lights on and off and asking, "What's going ON down here?"  Pepsi will be smart to gobble up ad space on the side of the extra icebox down in the basement and sell more soda.  Not to me, but someone must love Pepsi.

The good folks at the Mem Company already have me as a satisfied customer for their fragrant English Leather after shave, which is the perfect balm for my face after I drag a razor across it.  Then, my face smells like a belt! I've been slapping this on the old melon since 8th grade, but if they want to remind me to pick up another quart so I don't run out, they should put this ad right on the side of my shaving mirror...the one that makes me look like Jason Bateman!

Back downstairs and into the kitchen, where I slather hot sauce on everything but pancakes and cole slaw.  The hitch there is that today, there are no fewer than 138 different brands of hot sauce on the market, and it's important to keep your brand in front of my eyes and mind so I will remember to run out and buy yours, Sriracha, instead of bumming a dozen extra packets of Texas Pete from the kid at Popeye's.

And of course, there is the weekly shopping trip, when the entire clan piles into the El Camino and goes grocery shopping.  It's the smart supermarket chain that arranges to have their weekly ad tacked up in the garage so we'll remember ADOHR Chocolate Drink is just 19 cents at Pronto Market (forerunner to today's Trader Joe's chain).  

Again, this idea is yours for the taking if you want to play the "Mad Men" home game and rake in the money.  Bring me some of that 69 cent bacon if you get a chance, please.

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