He heard voices

Hardly two weeks into 2015, and it's already a pretty lousy year for John Boehner, the affable orange man who is the Speaker of the House of Representatives, although he was just barely reelected by his fellows in Congress.

What is it we always say about sending stuff back, or complaining about the service at the country club?

I think it was something like "Don't do it."

Always look for this
on your drink

The story coming out of Washington and West Chester, Ohio, is that the guy who used to sling Boehner's booze at the Wetherington Golf & Country Club in that Cincinnati suburb was planning to add a little somethin' fatal to his drink...or kill the speaker in some other way.

Hoyt

Michael Hoyt, 44, is the barkeep in question here, and he was hearing voices that told him Boehner was evil. And the devil. He deduced that Boehner was behind the Ebola outbreak.

Worst of all, and probably most believable of all, he thought the speaker was mean to him.

Hoyt has been indicted on charges that he planned to murder Boehner, a really dumb plan that he came up with after the country club tied a can to him.

And how the police came to find about his master criminal stroke is the stuff we used to see on "Law And Order," the good one, with Lenny and that gang.  Hoyt called the police himself last October and "Told the officer he was Jesus Christ and he was going to kill Boehner because Boehner was mean to him at the country club and because Boehner is responsible for Ebola," United States Capitol Police Special Agent Christopher Desrosiers reported. "Hoyt advised he had a loaded Beretta .380 automatic and he was going to shoot Boehner and take off."

Police said Boehner's wife, Debbie, twice received emails from Hoyt, but did not go into detail about the contents of them.  You have to figure they weren't links to Crock Pot Turkey Dinner recipes or birthday greetings.

"If I had any intention of hurting Mr. Boehner, I could have poisoned his wine at Wetherington many, many times," police said Hoyt wrote in an email.

Police said Hoyt told them the speaker was among a group of country club patrons who complained about his service and cost him his job.

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And here's where it gets very twisted: Hoyt figured that if he went to the cops, they would shame Boehner into apologizing and then he would step up and reveal how he made Ebola appear on the face of this earth.

Hoyt is where he should be, in custody, and Mr Boehner, who had nothing to do with Ebola (I'm almost certain of that!) is hoping that he can just make a non-poisonous drink appear on the top of the bar at his version of Bushwood.