Canned laughter

I guess you can't get much more downhome than the town of Valley, Alabama, where the middle school students at W.F. Burns Middle School are preparing for schoolhouse intruders by stockpiling cans of beans and fruit cocktail.


No, they don't plan to serve hominy and stewed tomatoes to anyone who invades the building.  The school principal, Ms Priscella (correct spelling) Holley, recently sent home a letter to parents and guardians, asking that they send little Beauregard and Leila back to school with an 8-oz. can of something canned to "stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive." 

She goes on to say, "The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom."

Empowerment. That's what we are told to try to attain in life.  It's all part of self-actualization and nirvana, and if you think that arming young Paul and Paula with canned fava beans will make them safe against armed intruders, rather than doing something about armed intruders, then by all means, knock yourself (or someone) out!

But when the kids start beaning each other with bean cans, you'll wish you had used your noodle a bit more.