Friday, August 22, 2014

It just doesn't suit me

If you know me or ever have seen me strutting around someplace like I own the place, you know darn well that I am no fashion plate. I'm more of a dinner plate.

My standard garb in summer is ankle length black socks, cargo shorts (a man purse you can wear !), a t-shirt and a ball cap.  For formal, dressier occasions, I'll swap the t-shirt for a polo shirt. In winter, it's khaki cargos, a sport shirt and a hoodie.  

It takes something along the lines of a funeral, wedding or supermarket opening to get me into one of my suits. 

I'm going to level with you.  We don't like to wear suits and tie, but we do it when the times require it.  Also, most guys have a time when they are the same size as their father.  For me this occurred when I was 16, and I could wear his jackets and sweaters for about a week until I got taller.  That was the year that my back-to-school pants, whose hems gracefully broke over my Weejuns in September, became high-water pants by Thanksgiving, leading to the heartbreak of sockgap.

For the life of me, I look at the suits worn by hipsters and I cannot figure out why they want to wear clothing that looks like they stole them from their younger brother or older smaller father.  It reminds me of those dumb merry-mixup situation comedies in which a dude is supposed to be given a plaque as Rotarian Of The Year, but at the last minute his well-meaning wife accidentally gives his suit to the church rummage sale, so he has to show up at the Rotarian banquet wearing his son's suit and an embarrassed grin.  

I know the men's fashion designers of the world are sort of stymied, in that pants, shirts, jackets and ties have already been invented, so there's not really much for them to do except to decree that this year, men will wear those skinny ties that look like shoelaces, and next year, it'll be those wide ties that look like crime scene tape hanging around their necks.

The real crime was in talking men into wearing suits that fit like the suit on a circus monkey.  And if you forced these guys to dress like this, everyone would call it cruel and unusual.  

But it's their choice! So what the heck.

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