Thursday, November 7, 2013

TV alert!

Sorry for the late notice, but if it's still this morning when you read this, you'll have time to switch over to the "TODAY" Show on NBC and see Matt Lauer and Al Roker get prostate exams live on the air.

Yes I did say that.  

Long a feature of annual physicals for men over 40, prostate exams are now popular at social gatherings and supermarket openings.  Just invite a qualified medical doctor and let the fun begin!  (Note: in Baltimore, these exams are known as "prostrate exams," even though they're performed with both the star and the supporting cast standing up.)  It's considered proper for the guest of honor to lean forward, his elbows on the end of the exam table, assuming the position, as it were. advises that it goes this way:
  • Usually you will be asked to stand, feet apart, facing the examination couch and bending forward so that your arms or elbows are on the couch. If you're nervous about not being able to see what's going on, this is a good time to ask the doctor to describe each step to you before it happens.
As someone who has been down this road a time or two, let me advise those of you who just got on the bus that this is NOT a good time to ask your doctor what he's got in mind.  When you hear that latex glove snap on his right hand, that's all you need to know.  The following questions are permitted, and even expected:

  • "Hey, Doc, did you ever do time?"
  • "Don't you just hate it when you have an itch you can't reach?"
  • "Did you see that special on PBS about Civil War surgical field amputations?"
  • "How about those Kansas City Chiefs, huh?"
I am very sorry if this will disappoint you, but I have received word from New York that satin drapes will shield sensitive viewers from the nekkid buttockular regions of Messrs. Roker and Lauer.  However, 8" x 10" glossy photographs, taken at a discreet, tasteful distance, will be available for sale Friday morning wherever fine lubricants are sold.

Good luck, Al and Matt!  Don't forget to send a little thank you note to the doctor!

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