Saturday, May 5, 2012

Bob-bob-bobbing along

I think that "reverse psychology" is only practiced by people who don't know real psychology.  All this nonsense of telling people they really don't want to do something, in hopes of encouraging them to do just that, is just that - nonsense.  And I think that parents who think they are getting over on their kids by telling them to avoid pickled beets at all costs are parents who wind up with 7 jars of pickled beets in the pantry.

Here in Maryland, we used to have a one-term governor named Bob.  Bob's complete lack of charm and personal magnetism made me wonder why he chose the political life.  Millions of my fellow Marylanders must have agreed.  They threw him out of office after his one poorly-run term as governor, and then they soundly told him to go home for good when he tried to unseat the popular incumbent who beat him in the first place.

That winning smile
Bob's wife was the genius who called for Britney Spears to be "shot," and Bob himself gained worldwide acclaim with his brilliant statement that "multiculturalism is bunk!" Truly, he is an Albert Schweitzer for our age.

On election night 2010, when Bob saw his chances of victory fading like the popularity of Zubaz pants, a man named Julius Henson, whom his campaign had hired to "work with the black people," set in motion a robo-phonecall to 112,000 registered Democrats, mainly in Baltimore City and Prince George's County.  The message on the call said "Don't worry, relax, stay home, the mayor and the president have been successful."  In other words, the message from Bob's campaign to African-American voters was: no need to vote, folks.  By this type of voter suppression, Bob hoped to be swept back into office (although everyone denies that Bob would have ever had even the slightest inkling of such a nefarious operation.  Oh no, they never told him a thing!)

The main genius behind what Bob's people are calling "reverse psychology to get people to say no! wait! I'm going to vote anyway," one Paul Schurick, has already been found guilty of his involvement in this dastardly scheme. 

Henson testified yesterday that beside his $16,000 monthly salary during the campaign, he was promised $7,000 more for rigging up this phony phone call.  He's still waiting for his money.

As is anyone who is waiting to hear Bob say what a horrible, despicable, dirty low-down deal his campaign tried to pull.  

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