Kissimmee, you fool

If there’s one thing Americans can’t stand, and there are many, it would be having to wait for anything.  Fast food replaced good food.  Instant-on TV, quickie divorces, Speedy Alka Seltzer, the Kwik-E-Mart: these are all signs of a nation that wants it, and wants it NOW.

Well, our traditional post-Thanksgiving shopping took a crazy turn this year in may parts of the nation.  In some town called Porter Ranch, California, a woman  who apparently thought she was a UC Davis security cop brought pepper spray to a WalMart so she could keep other shoppers at bay and grab the best of the door-buster specials for her own sweet self.  She got to the electronics department just after the WalMart opened on Thanksgiving night at 10 (since God forbid we would have to wait until Friday to celebrate Friday around here) and laid out a smokescreen of cayenne and jalapeño, which had the effect of laying out some 20 other shoppers – some of whom are children.  10 of them needed medical attention.

In case you’re wondering, the store did not close.  WalMart is not going to allow a mass assault to ruin everyone’s shopping experience, for crying out loud!

Also in sunny California, open up that Golden Gate of pain to read how a man was found shot and bleeding in the parking lot of a Bay Area Walmart just before 2 a.m. “Several” people with guns tried to take the family’s purchases by force. 

In Kissimmee, Fla., two men in search of just the right teardrop necklace for their dear sweet little lady friends fought at a jewelry counter at a WalMart. One of them was dragged away by the police, and I guess the Greeter at the front door had some pretty stern words for the other one.

Down Fayetteville, NC way, shots were fired around 2 a.m. outside Cross Creek Mall near a food court entrance. One of the people involved ran inside the mall. Then there were more shots fired, or, as it always says in the news about these things, shots “rang out.”  A good idea for mall owners would be to “beef up” security, and make sure that no “blazes” “roar” through the structure either.

Another shooting was reported at a parking lot next to a Wal-Mart in South Carolina. There was also a report of a robbery attempt at another mall there.

 

Retailers like the holiday shopping season.  That’s when they can make 25 to 40 percent of their annual revenue. It's expected that shoppers will spend nearly $500 billion during the holiday shopping season, or about 3 percent more than they did last year. 

I’m writing this on Friday evening, so the chances are that more mayhem will occur at our malls and WalMarts as we prepare to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. 

I need to get Peggy a present.  

Cover me, will ya?