Saturday, November 5, 2011

Soccer to me?

The Fortunes had a great song once; it was never a hit but it had a novel’s worth of philosophy in it.  The song was called “Storm In A Teacup” and one of the verses read, “One drop of rain on your windowpane doesn’t mean to say there’s a hurricane comin’…”

From Perry Hall PATCH
Our part of town had a little storm in a teacup this week, and it was sort of surprising that it didn't hit the national news as an example of educational awareness gone awry.  What happened was, the varsity soccer team from Perry Hall High School won a playoff game against Dulaney High. And then the team celebrated by doing the "Bernie" dance out there on the field.

If you're like me, you probably thought that meant they made like Bernie Madoff, going around picking the pockets of the Dulaney fans.  But no!  This step is from the movie "Weekend at Bernie's II," the award-winning cinematic triumph from twenty years or so ago in which a corpse is once again trotted out for hilarious purposes. It's a very popular dance step among athletes; Baltimore's great Ray Rice shows you how to do it here after he shreds the Steelers.

The original Bernie movie is best remembered in our house for being the movie that injured my beloved Peggy.  You see, she was laughing so hard at the hapless lifeless star that she pulled rib muscles and was quite sore for several weeks.  I had suffered the same injury on August 9, 1974, so I knew how she felt.

Well, back to exciting soccer action, the parents of the Dulaney players were shocked! Shocked, I say, to find that these Perry Hall fellows were dancing in such a fashion.  My word!  Oh Lord, how they went on and on and on.  They said it was taunting their sons, and they said it was sexually suggestive.

People from Dulaney believe that they can get sex vibes from a dance step involving a dead man.  I guess they'd get really turned on if Bernie danced with two women at once: Ophelia and Necrophilia. 

And, well, taunting. Gee Whiz.  Used to be, you won a game, you got to strut a little bit on your way home.  This was not the pointing-at-them and calling-them-hopeless-losers sort of braggadocio, for the love of Pete.  Ray Rice is the most centered athlete we have around here, and he does the Bernie.  And sexual?  Come on, Dulaney parents!  Why do you see SEX in everything?  I mean, some people are like that, aren't they?  I don't mean to be hard on them, but come on! You really pulled a boner, acting like asses in front of your children there! They can't all be wieners, and no matter how you package your disappointment, someone is bound to get the shaft. Better to equip your young people with the tools they will need to get get a head in the future. Spare the rod and...well, you get the point.

The furor was that the Perry Hall principal initially sided with the hovering helicopter parents of Dulaney and cancelled the rest of the season for his soccer team, but then yesterday morning he gave in to the pressure (politicians got in on it!) and reversed his ill-conceived decision.  So now the team will move on to the next round of the playoffs, and we wish them well this afternoon (Saturday).

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