Handy Man

If you wait long enough, all jokes wind up coming true!

You might remember this one from the 90s:

A guy is having dinner with a friend in a restaurant when he needs to call a third person. He punches the palm of his left hand with his right index finger ten times, and then holds his left hand up by his ear and mouth and completes his phone call, after which he excuses himself to go to the mens' room.

He comes back to the table and his buddy says he's got toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

The guy looks down and says, "Oh! I'm getting a fax!"

It was hilarious in 1994, but we never thought we'd see the day when someone would implant their car key in their hand, but now we have.

Unlike your 1958 DeSoto, a lot of cars today don't have a traditional key to start the engine and make them go. Just a digital fob will allow you to push a button and be on your way to the mini-mall.  But why carry that cardkey around when you can be like Ben Workman, of Provo, Utah?

Ben has had 4 chips implanted in his hands. One of them unlocks the Tesla, one opens doors where he works, one logs his computer on and off, and one shares information with Apple Pay and Google Pay.

This man does not like to carry a wallet or keyring!

He told the TV news out in Provo, "I play tricks on people who don`t know I have it in my hand. I try and convince them a banana is the key and then I hold a banana up and [the chip] unlocks the door."

Another old joke:

  Sir, you have a banana in your ear.
  I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

He had someone in the family install most of the handchips, but he needed to go to a piercing studio to put the car key in there.

Always the joker, Ben says he had a magnet stuck in his left hand for magic tricks, like the always popular sawtooth-picture-hanger trick.

So here we are, America, as we approach 2020: half the people are afraid that the government in trying to implant microchips in the nape of their necks so they can be tracked, and people in Utah are sticking magnets in their hands to perform acts of legerdemain.

Phone call for you! Take it on your other hand.