In different parts of the country, soft drinks are called by different names. Some call it "pop," some say "soda," and a lot of people call everything a "Coke." That might be because for cola drinkers, there is nothing like the real thing. Pepsi, Royal Crown ("RC") and others, including store brands, are not the same to some.
Now, in my day, I was quite the avid soda consumer...either Coke, or golden Ginger Ale. I liked Suburban Club, a local Baltimore label, or something I used to find at Acme Market called "Tiger" Ginger Ale. That really had a ginger-y zing to it.
But I quit soda cold in 2005, so to speak, over a medical issue. I was sick of reading about how much sugar there is in those cans, and I switched to seltzer, quite happily. Seltzer - also known as sparkling water or club soda - has the kick of soda without the five tons of sugar and artificial coloring and flavorings. I mean, coca cola says right on the can "caramel color added." If I want a caramel, I'll eat a caramel. Soda is not my cup of tea, that's all.
And over the years, I tasted sips of diet sodas. I mean, really. Have your ever looked at the ingredients in that mess? It looks like a final exam in Chem 101: CARBONATED WATER, CARAMEL COLOUR, PHOSPHORIC AND CITRIC ACID, ASPARTAME (CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE), FLAVOUR, SODIUM BENZOATE, CAFFEINE, ACESULFAME-POTASSIUM.
It starts with seltzer, and then they add liquid candy, not one but TWO kinds of acid, aspartame (with added phenylalanine for whatever reason), salty benzoate, caffeine (as if you won't be up all night anyway) and good old Acesulfame-potassium, just like Grandma used to put in your drink.
Which is just my way of telling you that they aren't making TAB anymore. It was the first diet soda Coca Cola made, and they are pulling the plug on it after 60 years.
Robert Bixby is the executive director of a tax advocacy outfit called The Concord Coalition, and he says, "TAB had an amazing run. As a business decision I can understand it, but it's a very sad day ... I do feel it's like losing a friend."
I am not kidding when I tell you that he said messages of condolence were "pouring (!) in" to him in his hour of grief over losing his favorite soda. I mean, really. Where were all these condolences for me when they took "Sam And Cat" off TV, huh?
Coke said that Tab is one of several "underperforming" products they are getting rid of. I don't know if they still make Fanta Grape, but if they do, I would stock up on it as fast as you can.
Bixby saw the end coming and has been "auditioning" new diet sodas to replace his beloved TAB, with no luck. He says they're all too sweet.
My free suggestion, Bix:
a) change the name of your organization to the Concord Cola-lition
2) make your own TAB and guzzle away. Just run down to the Chemical Depot and stock up on its ingredients:
Carbonated water, citric acid, taurine, natural and artificial flavors, sodium citrate, sodium benzoate, ginseng extract, caffeine, vegetable juice, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, carnitine fumarate, niacinamide (Vitamin B3), pyridoxine hydrochloride (Vitamin B6), Guarana extract, and cyanocobalamin (Vitamin B12).
I can see it after the first batch is done: "Hmmm. Needs more cyanocobalamin."
1 comment:
Oh, this made me laugh!
I remember when Tab was introduced. My mom was so excited. Kids were not allowed soda so her six pack a month had the status of booze. It was there, out in the open with the rye and the vodka and the wines. You might even be asked to bring a drink (soda or booze) to an elder. But it was not for you to consume.
I don't remember being admonished not to touch it, though. Somehow, being told once that booze and soda were for adults only was enough. When I finally did get more than a sip of Tab (yes, sometimes they'd let us have one... cocktails, too), and I got the full chemical blast, I hated it. Guess that was all for the best.
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