It happens every year

 It's not too late to make your 2021 New Year's Resolutions. I know, you still have a perfectly good set of them from last year, all untouched, and so do I. But let's write them down on this form, and stick them to the front of the Kelvinator so we can keep track, whaddya say?

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

2021

I will:

• Start__________________________________
• Learn_________________________________
• Visit__________________________________
• Quit __________________________________
• Try___________________________________
• Be___________________________________
• Eat___________________________________
• Improve_______________________________
• Make _________________________________
• Give__________________________________

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

So, print this out, and we'll both fill them out, and then we'll meet back here on June 30* to compare notes.

* I know that's my birthday but if I follow my resolutions, I'll need smaller pants.

True Colors

There was a ballplayer named Manny Ramirez a few years ago. So colorful, flamboyant, and talented was he that Red Sox fans coined the expression "Manny being Manny" to explain his peccadilloes, which included flunking a drug screening because his specimen contained the female fertility hormone hCG, disappearing into the leftfield scoreboard at Fenway Park while a game was in progress to answer the call of nature, and - I saw this myself - fielding a ball off the left field wall in Baltimore and then pausing to shake the hand of a fan in the first row before heaving the ball back to the infield. Manny was truly one of a kind, which we can also say about the year 2020, for crying out loud. 

So let us say that this year's choice for the Pantone Color Of The Year is...TWO colors! What a clear case of 2020 being 2020!

Here they are, and you will see them in your home soon, I'm sure. One of the Forty Shades of Gray made the list this year. It's "Ultimate Gray.” described as a "color of stability, strength, and realness (that is) experienced and wise."

Speaking for people my age, I can verify that gray hair denotes experience. Wisdom, well, you decide.

The other color is called “Illuminating,” and is said to be "a hopeful hue. She’s optimistic and radiates positive vibes."

So the wizened old gray is "experienced," while the young vibrant yellow is an illuminating female. Makes sense.

Pantone really puts a lot of importance into this color thing. They say that these are just the colors we need to leave 2020 in the dust behind us and get on with the business of 2021 with a "a futuristic vibe that telegraphs insight, innovation, and intuition."

But wait! There's more! “One color could never encapsulate all we’ve been going through this year” said Laurie Pressman, vice president of the Pantone Color Institute, based in Carlstadt , N.J. “These independent colors are rock-solid resilience on one hand and hopefulness in the other. Ultimate Gray and Illuminating send a message of positivity supported by fortitude.”

I happen to like yellow and gray, the both of them. I looked through the listing of all American colleges and universities and beauty schools (as a gray American, I have time), and none that I could find use that color combination. It would be a natural for a t-shirt or even a pair of pants. OR, an attractive mask!

AOC (D, NY)

Put 'em on!

Old joke from a Bazooka gum wrapper:

Grandmom to granddaughter: "Why did you call off your wedding?"

Granddaughter: "He had cold feet."

Grandmom: "In MY day, we didn't find that out until AFTER we were married!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, the gum was good. 

You can't get a good sleep if your feet really are cold (as opposed to the "cold feet" we get when we chicken out of something). It's true, according to the Old Farmer's Almanac.  

Not only that, they say 68% of us have trouble getting to sleep at least once a week, and 27% of us have sleeping problems all the time.

Sleep experts (finally, a job for me!) say that modern life, with crazy commutes and non-commutes and being up and on electronic devices at all hours and working too much...all that suppresses our production of the hormone called melatonin.

Melatonin helps us sleep! Get as much as you can!

You can't run down to the Drugs 'N' More and pick up a bottle of melatonin (well, you can, but why bother?), but you can buy something almost as helpful: a pair of socks.

Donning socks at bedtime improves our overall circulation because it opens the blood vessels in our feet (your doctor calls that vasodilation). Vasodilation releases heat that spreads all over us, thus decreasing overall core body temperature.

Some people prefer to put a hot water bottle down by their feet. You can see the reasons why socks are better if you will simply Google "leaking hot water bottle."

sock suggestion

The experts say you should choose socks made of natural fibers such as wool or cotton, and they do recommend wearing a fresh pair every night just to sleep in. You can see why this might not be the best answer for you if you will simply Google "Who's gonna do all this laundry?"

Big Mack to go

And we're back, with a story that was all over antisocial media last week, and I didn't see a lot of divided opinion about it. It's about the female college student from Georgia who went to the Cayman Islands to visit her boyfriend, broke Covid-19 quarantine rules, got caught, and was sentenced to four months in prison down there in tropical paradise.

People here in non-tropical paradisiacal Baltimore were upset to see that her sentence was cut in half to two months. 

Her name is Skylar Mack, because no one knows how to type "Schuyler" (the correct spelling of the name) on a birth certificate. At 18, she saw fit to leave Georgia to hang with her boyfriend, one Vanjae Ramgeet, 24, ostensibly to work on her Jane Austen term paper for English Lit 101. He received an identical sentence and an identical reduction.

Meanwhile, Jonathon Hughes, their attorney, said the couple accepts the decision of the court (how noble) but points out they had hoped "Skylar would be able to return home to resume her studies in January."

"Ms. Mack and Mr. Ramgeet continue to express remorse for their actions and ask for the forgiveness of the people of the Cayman Islands," he said.

She is a pre-med student (maybe next time, study some law?). She left for the islands in late November to go see this Ramgeet participate in a jet-ski race. She tested negative for the Rona before leaving, and tested negative again upon arrival. Nevertheless, she was told to isolate for two weeks.

Nevertheless, Skylar refused to follow this order and was seen at the competition two days later. People at the race knew she was non-compliant and reported her. Officials arrested her, and pinched Ramgeet, whom they say "aided and abetted her in the breach." 

Off to try out her new cell phone

First of all, it doesn't matter that she was pre-med or was a basket-weaving major. At 18, if she wishes to jet around the world, she needs to learn to follow the rules and laws. Sure, being at the race was bound to be more fun that staying in her room for two weeks, but them's the breaks nowadays.

Americans, once the envy and pride of the world at large, are now objects of scorn because so many of us absolutely refuse to heed to directives of educated health professionals, choosing instead to abide by the advice of "Joey" from Facebook, who says "it's a known fact" that "masks don't work." 

We hate being told what to do, so we don't, and then when we get tossed in some foreign Walled-Off Astoria, we have our grandparents whine about it on CNN. Of course, a lot of this comes from our being a country where even when you lose an election, you just claim you really won, uh huh.

Sunday Rerun: Santa Jimi

 

In December, 1969, Jimi Hendrix continued to defy other guitarists, who to this day are unable to duplicate what he could do on an electric guitar, and spelling purists who insisted his name was "Jimmy.".  He accomplished the latter by naming his new band, which was to replace The Jimi Hendrix Experience, the Band of Gypsys.  The more conventional spelling would be Gypsies, of course, but then, Jimi never did anything the conventional way.

He had hired veteran drummer Buddy Miles to slam the skins, and Billy Cox (not to be confused with the old Dodger third baseman) to play bass. Cox and Jimi had become friends while serving in the US Army together in 1961 at Fort Campbell, KY.

Jimi and the band were booked for the holidays of '69-'70 at the Fillmore East, the legendary rock concert hall in New York.  There were new songs ready for the band - most notably "Machine Gun" - but Jimi wanted to do something special. 

While rehearsing for the shows at Baggy's Studios in Manhattan, the band wove together the melodies (melodys?) of The Little Drummer Boy, Silent Night, and Auld Lang Syne.  Someone wisely hit the "record" button, and we are left with these holiday treasures to enjoy, 43 years later.  At the concerts on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, The Little Drummer Boy and Auld Lang Syne wound up as parts of medleys with other songs.

If you'd like to hear this tripartite medley, YouTube is standing by.  Just go here and enjoy! 

The album of the concerts was released in March of 1970, the last to come out during Hendrix's life, which ended that September.  


We don't have any way to know which direction his career might have taken, but it's good to hear his music again.

The Saturday Picture Show, December 26, 2020

 

Hey, whatever it takes to get people to belt themselves.

The most popular card of 2021.

I don't care what they look like frozen; all I know is, I love McRibs!

You can bet a lot of nickels, this little buffalo will grow up to look like a big buffalo!

This is a population density map of the USA. Spot your town!

The picture as published didn't say where this took place, but the folks in this town decided to line up to thank the UPS guy for completing his daily rounds of 200 deliveries.

Put this jar right up in the correct angle and take a picture of a jar full of nature.

I don't know all of you but I am certain that very few of us humans were as cute as this little lamb when we were 15 minutes old, as she is.

Merry Christmas 2020

It's hard to believe this hellacious year will finally come to an end next week, and even though we keep saying, "Things will be better in 2021," there's no certainty behind that.

Except that there are vaccines coming for us, and even though many people are saying they will refuse the shots, that's on them, and those of us who take the needles will be vaccinated against that part of the herd that refuses to join in. It's their call, but I already have my sleeve rolled up. I'm ready.

It seems odd to say, but I think Peggy and I will be just as happy to remain more or less isolated in the future, even when we get the go-ahead to cluster in restaurants and ballparks and wherever particular people congregate. We fully appreciate that we were able to stay home, and could afford to do so. 

The economy is in tatters and there are going to be problems stemming from this virus for years to come. The turning of a page on a calendar means nothing, but the chipper spirit that saw this country through wars and terrorist acts and weather disasters and countless calamities will see us through this, too. I feel confident and I hope you do as well. Be of good cheer; the holidays are here! 

Holiday Rerun: On The Road Again

 It's getting close to Christmas, so we think of what's happening on the roads because we're trying to get to the family gatherings and so forth.  At least there's no forecast for snow in the Baltimore area this year at the holidays.  

(Which makes me wonder how, in all those Hallmark Christmas movies, there is always snow on the ground and on the roads, and yet, people get in their cars and go places. It's clear that they don't film them in Baltimore, where the very suggestion of snow three days hence sends people into a panic. They flock to the groceries for bread, milk and toilet paper, and then stay home "for the duration."  Can't drive on a road with snow on it, after all.)

But this news stopped me cold: (from WTOP.com)

 

Driverless cars could be coming to Interstate 95 if Maryland transportation officials have their way. The Maryland Department of Transportation announced Wednesday that it has asked the federal Transportation Department to use the I-95 corridor to test autonomous vehicles. Federal officials are looking for several “proving grounds” around the country for self-driving cars. Maryland officials have suggested using I-95 between the University of Maryland to the south and Aberdeen Proving Ground to the north. The first group of testing areas for driverless cars will be announced in early 2017. If Maryland is chosen, the earliest I-95 would see driverless cars would be 2018.

I colored that text red because it's certainly a red-letter day for people around I-95 who own body and fender repair shops, orthopedic medical practices, and law firms centering on auto accidents, to think of this business bonanza coming their way. 

If you've had the previous misfortune of driving I-95, the superslab that takes people from New England to Florida (even if they don't want to go), at least in the Baltimore area, I can testify that you have been in vehicle hell.  18-wheelers taking turns on 9 wheels! Crotchrocket motorcycles racing around like demons! Tailgaters galore! Ill-advised lane changes! Speeders going 85, and - almost worse - pokers doing 35! And drivers from other states driving like nuts!

And that's just on the entrance ramp.  Lord knows what the highway itself is like, I'll tell you that right now.

I see no way that life will be better when the science fair veterans behind the idea of autonomous (sounds better than "driverless") vehicles are causing mayhem from Florida to New England.  

I can't even think about it.  But I can tell you this, as we head into Christmas weekend. This was not on the news or anything, but it just so happened that on December 14 there was a traffic accident in the Riderwood section of our fair county, and the older couple whose SUV was smashed up expressed concern that the Christmas tree they had on their roof and were taking home at the time would not make it home, with the car being towed away. Soooo...the crew of Truck 1 from Towson Fire Station, D Shift, who had responded to the scene, took the Christmas tree, put it on their rig, and dropped it off at the peoples' house.

They could have shrugged and said, "Yeah, too bad," but they didn't, and I hope that little nugget sends you off happy today! 

Holiday Rerun: Just For The Holidays

This week, I'm taking some time off from writing new entries for a few days until after the holidays.

I know, I can hear the weeping and wailing out there, the gnashing of teeth, the plaintive wails. But there's a lot to do and I am going to take time off from writing for a spell, and will use some reruns. Of course, if news breaks, I will fix it.

But as I slip out the side door carrying a cup of egg nog and some cookies, I wanted to share something with everyone, and that is this: it won't be a Merry Christmas for everyone.

In the first place, not everyone celebrates Christmas. There are people who just cannot handle the holidays at all, and we need to respect that - respect that falls way short of calling them "Ebenezer," if you will. Some people just don't participate, and that's cool.

Some people are not of the Christian faith and do not get into Christmas for that reason.  And even though I know Jews and Muslims and Hindus who happily sing "Jingle Bells" and get all Christmasy, many do not, by choice. 

I refuse to discuss the made-up War On Christmas. People exercising their right to celebrate as they darn well please is not a war.

But bear in mind, please, those who have lost dear loved ones since last year at this time.  Those of us who have lost beloved kin know the sting when the first (birthday, Christmas, Father's Day, whatever) rolls around and there's an empty chair.

It's just my suggestion, but instead of running out to Try 'N' Save to get a talking Billy Bigmouth Bass for Uncle Nutsy, why not spend that time calling someone you know who's had a loss this year, and sharing a little holiday love with them? 

You know they'd love it, even more than Nutsy would love that fish plaque.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, the best of everything to you and yours!

Holiday Rerun: In a pear tree (from 2018)

 They haven't released the prices of all the 12 gifts for 2018 yet, "they" being the people over at the Consumer Price Index, where every year, people with adding machines, calculators and abacuses ("abaci"???); figure out just how much it will cost someone to send The Twelve Gifts Of Christmas to their love.  Here are the prices for last year, the last time anyone did all the math on this. Of course, if you're the sort of guy who's canoodling with two lovers at a time, better double the prices, fella. Women don't play like that, and we don't know why you would.

Of course, the price of everything goes up a bit every year, so figure on spending around $35,000 to make someone's heart light up with holiday joy. In 2017, the exact tab was $34,558.65.

And of course, with the price of gold going up every time Ariana Grande gets engaged, figure on the Five Golden Rings being a bit pricier now. Anyone who has been to the live tree section at Home Depot knows that a pear tree goes for a lot more than it used to, although the price of partridges varies with the availability of Danny Bonaduce. Just kidding. He couldn't BE more available.

Anyway, here’s the breakdown of cost for the 12 days:

A Partridge in a pear tree will cost $220 as compared to $210 last year. The partridge price remained the same as last year (talking about real birds) but it was the price of the pear tree that went up.

In other bird pricing news, two Turtle Doves are holding in price as the past few years - still $375.

Three French hens are the same price this year at $182.

Four calling birds held the line at $600.  I guess they're the calling birds without an unlimited plan.

Five Golden Rings did go up this year to $825 compared to last year's $750. The price of gold fluctuates all the time.

Six Geese-a-laying, @$60 per goose, comes to $360. You go downtown and try to get a goose for less, and you'll see.

Seven Swans-a-swimming is one of the most expensive items on the list, although, it has held steady these past few years: $13,125. And let me tell you, as peaceful as those swans look, they are some mean suckers.

Eight Maids-a-milking did not increase in 2018 and stayed at $58.

Nine Ladies dancing, another expensive item in the 12 days  - is unchanged at $7,553. You don't want union trouble, do you?  Pay the going rate and no one will bother you.

Ten Lords-a-leaping did go up this year, the only labor group that saw an increase. Expect to shell out  $5,619, up $110 from last Christmas. I guess these Lords are members of the American Olympic Broad Jump team, and so you are sponsoring ten athletes. Not bad.

Eleven Pipers, proud members of the Musicians' Union, will pipe up on their pipes for the love of your love for $2,708.

Similarly, Twelve Drummers drumming had a zero % change from last year, keeping the beat steady at $2,934.

Total cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas was $34, 559.  We'll take cash or check only, no credit cards.

Recipe Corner: Holiday Edition (from 2019)

 

If you look up "nog" in the dictionary, it's defined as a brick-sized piece of wood, or a piece of wood used to support the walls of a mine, or a character in some Star Trek derivative television show.

I guess we call the popular holiday drink "egg nog" because if you make it right, you will feel like you got hit in the noggin by a nog! Or like you are a character in some show of which I have ne'er seen a single moment.

In case we have yet to meet, I love the essential Christmas diet - cookies, fruitcake, and egg nog.

There are two ways to do the nog: one is to buy a bottle of it from the dairy shelf at the BuySumMore and take it home to serve, adding nutmeg to the top and hooch to the bottom.

OR you can be a real patriot and follow the recipe handed down to us from The Father Of Our Country, General George Washington.  If you make some from this prescription, please invite me for a taste-test! 

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S CHRISTMAS EGGNOG RECIPE

“One quart cream, one quart milk, one dozen tablespoons sugar, one pint brandy, ½ pint rye whiskey, ½ pint Jamaica rum, ¼ pint sherry

—mix liquor first,
then separate yolks and whites of 12 eggs,
add sugar to beaten yolks,
mix well.

Add milk and cream, slowly beating.
Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture.
Let set in cool place for several days.
Taste frequently.”


And let those last two words stay with us all forever!

Sunday Rerun: All I know about art is what I like

 Andy Warhol, American artist born Andrew Warhola (1928 - 1987) was a leading figure in the art world, specifically, pop art, which he "pop"ularized in the 60s with his "Campbell's Soup Cans," a collection of 32 superrealistic pictures of various cans of soup.

Even as a teenager at the time, soon to be employed in the field of stamping prices on cans of soup at the A&P, I knew great art when I saw it. He followed that with a picture of many pictures of Marilyn Monroe, and reproduced the cardboard boxes in which Brillo pads were shipped to the A&P.


I brought one of the real Brillo boxes home from the A&P, after first stamping a price in purple on the boxes within. I kept socks in it for years.

My thoughts turned to Warhol the other day when a commercial for Burger King appeared on the Super Bowl. Burger King got the rights to the pop art movie "Andy Warhol Eating a Hamburger," which was one of the 66 scenes in director JØrgen Leth's 1982 film "66 Scenes from America."

"I still remember the first time I watched the complete length of the film of Andy Warhol eating a Burger King Whopper, and my head exploded," Fernando Machado, Burger King's global chief marketing officer told Ad Week magazine. "I was like, 'Is that really Andy Warhol; why is he eating that? What's happening there?'"

Here's what was happening there. Leth is an immigrant, a Dane, who says that he sees the hamburger as the "great social equalizer in America. People, regardless of their socio-economic status, can enjoy them."

When he wasn't busy duplicating the art of others, Warhol was known for saying witty and wise things, and one of them is worth thinking about:

"A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too." 

That's the point of the American homogenization that's been going on for years. The point of Burger King, and all other fast food chains, is that a Whopper is prepared the same and will taste the same in New York City or Kankakee.

And just think, if you eat burgers, you're eating just like the president of the United States and the championship college football team. 

And for those asking what the point of the commercial was, there you have it.

Christmas Edition Picture Show, December 19, 2020

 

Extra pictures for the holidays this week, and yes, I am dreaming of a white Christmas!

This is total Baltimore. This one-eyed guy is Mr Boh, the symbol for our favorite local beer, National BOHemian. He's here for all the holidays!

I can't tell if these are decorations or very fancy horse doovers (that's how we spell hors d'oeuvres around here!)

40 years from now, someone will pull this out of their hope chest and pass it along to their children as a reminder of the Pandemic Christmas back in '20...

Our friend April took this picture at a tree farm in Pennsylvania. Haybale holidays!

People are still painting rocks; it's as good a way to pass the time as any. These have the Christmas theme.

This Where's Waldo? puzzle shows what every mall USED to look like before this year.

...by the chimney with care.

Outdoor decorations for drive-by enchantment are bigger than every in 2020!

No wrapping paper? No problem. Grab a sharpie, and make your own.

This looks like an old picture, but it's as modern as yesterday. The person who shared it is totally retro, and he is happy that he just found an aluminum tree.

A lot of people have to forgo their annual trip to Rockefeller Center this year, but here's what their tree looks like.

We've seen decorations ON a table; here's a table that is PART OF the decorations!

The shrubbery is covered with snow, you say? Why not light up a snow boulder?

Hey, look! It's the Family Truckster!

As we enjoy the last days before Christmas, let's try not to be so overwhelmed with adult cares and concerns and remember that before all else, this is a wonderful time of year for children, so above all, Merry Christmas to the children!

Get the message

Sometimes I wonder why the Info Tech people call a pc sitting on someone's desk a "machine." After all, a machine is "apparatus using or applying mechanical power and having several parts, each with a definite function and together performing a particular task." Least, that's what the dictionary says. 

So to be a machine, something mechanical must be going on, or something has to be moving? Can't always say that about a lot of office pc's. On most of them, nothing is moving, not even the operator.

But maybe this is why. The Nazis invented a form of computer called the coding machine or "enigma" machine, to keep their business a secret during World War II. It was a sort of typewriter that would automatically type a coded letter for whatever you typed. Rotors and gears would mix up the letters to produce gibberish, and when a person at the other end got the message, he would type the crazy words into his machine, which would print out the correct message as he typed.

By so doing, the Nazis figured they would be keeping their troop movements and attack plans a secret.  Ask your history teacher how that worked out.

And not too long ago, a dive team was in the Baltic Sea, looking to retrieve old discarded fishing nets to save marine life from getting caught up in them when they found one of those old coding machines on the sea floor, between Davey Jones's locker and Spongebob's. 

Like anything else thought to be unimpregnable, the enigma machine was no match for the rest of the world's top non-German minds, and the our side figured out how to crack the code and soon we knew what Hitler wanted for lunch (braunschweiger on rye with a pickle and a beer) before his people even had a chance to order it.

This machine is being restored and will be on display at a German museum.

The modern equivalent to all these scrambled letters is any message I get from certain friends on my phone. With all the abbreviations and acronyms and slangy jargon, most of them are enigmas to me. 

Hairy Styles

To me, one of the saddest things going is seeing some old man (my age) desperately trying to hang onto his fleeting youth. As so many of us have wavy hair, many of us are seeing it wave good bye!

There are two ways to handle this. One is to let it be, to admit that your forehead now extends to the top of your melon. And the other is to wear a hat with a tuxedo or suit, which has been the Ron Howard way of dealing with a sparse pate for a long time.

The Keith Richards program means wrapping a scarf or headband around the forehead.

In both of these situations, the man involved might just as well wear a flag around his neck reading "I don't have a lot of hair."

You can say that these sexagenarians and septuagenarians have influenced other men, and to be honest, if they need to do it, fine with me. And fine with Jaxson Crossland, too.

Who's Jaxson Crossland, you ask me? Well, sir, Jaxson, or "Jax," as he likes to be called, is a third-grader down in Celeste, Texas, who just happens to be the proud winner of first-place honors  for Best Mullet in the kids category at the USA Mullet Championships. His take? $500, which he will spend on his childhood pursuits: boxing, fishing and dirt biking.

His mom is Zoie Shepard, and she says, "Jax has been just ecstatic since winning. It's been so great to be able to enter him into something that celebrates what makes him different. It's been so awesome for Jax, people recognize him everywhere now."

This being 2020, not even mullet contests could be held in person, so kids from all corners mailed in mullet photos. 

I didn't know this, but there are various forms of mulletry. I thought there was the Billy Ray Cyrus style, but there are also Freedom Flappers, Modern mullets and the Tennessee top hat. 

Maybe because of, maybe in spite of, the pandemic, but the contest brought in over 20,000 votes and 50,000 social media comments. Jaxson placed his crown atop his curly mullet n October 27 at the 2020 Kids Mullet Championships. 

I didn't know there was such a job as "president of the USA Mullet Championships, but one Kevin Begola holds that position now. He says, "The contest has blown up with over 20,000 votes from all over the country. During these tough times it's important to have fun. This is exactly what 2020 needed!"

Jaxson "enjoyed every second of it," says his mom. He bought boxing gear and paid for boxing classes, but as famous as he is right now, please don't ask for his autograph...

"I can't give autographs right now, cause I don't know cursive," he'll tell you.

Big Guy in many ways

The National Football League awards its Walter Payton Man Of The Year award to that player who best embodies the late Payton's sterling characteristics of community service and leadership. The winner for last year was current Baltimore Raven Calais Campbell.  Each team nominates a player, and this year the Ravens put Offensive Lineman Bradley Bozeman up for the title.

 Bozeman came to the Ravens from the University of Alabama and has been a star on the offensive line ever since. At 6' 5" and 311 lbs, he is equally adept at a)moving defensive linemen out of the way for a run play or b) keeping the opposition away from quarterback Lamar Jackson on the pass plays. It's kind of like asking a fire engine to get out of the way.

Off the field, he shines as brightly. In 2018, along with his wife Nikki, he founded  the Bradley & Nikki Bozeman Foundation. Through this charity, the Bozemans and others help at-risk children and their families to teach about the dangers of childhood bullying. And of course, since respect for others begins with respect for self, the Foundation emphasizes the need for respect for all, and for standing up for those in vulnerable positions.

The Bozemans were engaged to marry right after Alabama's epic national championship win in 2018.

Earlier this year, Bradley and Nikki set out on a cross-country trip with a goal of traveling for six weeks, going 5,000 miles, and talking to more than 12,000 students in 18 schools in 16 states. Things were going great until the Covid restrictions shut down the enterprise, what with schools being closed.

And the Bozemans have a twice-monthly free food distribution set up at Mount Pleasant Ministries in Baltimore, delivering 21,000 meals to 300 families. They hosted a Thanksgiving food distribution at the M&T Bank Stadium this year, as well.

The winner is awarded $250,000 for the charity of their choice, and even those nominated get $50,000 for the same purpose. It's good to know about this when people talk about selfish athletes who take the money and do no good!

I think it's only fair to mention that while on that trip to do good things this year, Bozeman paused to refresh himself at a Texas steakhouse, where he was able to down a 72-ounce steak in one of those "Eat this and we will post your picture" challenges. That's 4 1/2 pounds of beef off the hoof, and he enjoyed it along with a shrimp cocktail, baked potato, salad and buttered roll in 50 minutes.

For this alone, Bradley Bozeman is a man among men. I wouldn't be surprised to hear he stopped at 31 Flavors on the way home.

Nuts!

I'll be the first to tell you, I love baseball and football, but I know nothing about basketball. This probably stems from growing up tall and being told all day that I "must love basketball." It's just not my cup of tea, but plenty of people do love it, and good for them.

My only connection to the hoops is seeing stories about the players, such as Kyrie Irving of the Brooklyn Nets.

Kyrie came to my attention a couple of years for claiming out loud that the earth is flat, and although he later apologized for his lunacy, he did say that at the time he said it, he was deeply involved in conspiracy theories.  And this was two years ago this month, when he still played for the Boston Celtics.  

Another NBA player, Steph Curry, joined Irving in saying that the earth is flat, but since he and his wife are well-known social media darlings, someone probably took his shoulder and advised him to put the kibosh on it.

And as I say, Irving apologized, although it sounded more like he was apologizing for saying it than for believing it.

There was a basketball player named Lloyd Bernard Free who started calling himself "World B. Free" in the 1980s as a symbol of his alliance with struggling people everywhere. People are suggesting that Irving should adopt the sobriquet "World B. Flat," but who knows.

The other news in the Wide World Of Irving is that he and his team were each fined $25,000 by the NBA because he is refusing to talk to the press, as all players are contractually obliged to do.

"The fines result from Irving's refusal on several occasions this week to participate in the team media availability," the NBA said in a statement Thursday. The rule is, all healthy players have to be available to reporters. With the corona protocols in place, players have been made available a few at a time so that reporters can ask them if they plan to play well and what they wish to accomplish this season....you know, the standard give-and-take between reporter and athlete.

Irving has been turning down questions since training camp opened on December 1, but he did issue a statement via Instagram on Friday:

"I pray we utilize the 'fine money' for the marginalized communities in need, especially seeing where our world is presently. I am here for Peace, Love, and Greatness. So stop distracting me and my team, and appreciate the Art. We move different over here. I do not talk to Pawns. My attention is worth more."

Kyrie is 28 now, and for those who like to compare the pay of athletes to schoolteachers and police and secretaries and all, I will tell you now, he's working on a 4-year, $141 million deal, so that means that a hit of $25G is less than 1% of his pay.

On the other hand, the league regards fines of that much as really penny ante stuff, because it's in the player contract that they can't file a grievance over a fine of less than $50,000, which is the chump change threshold on the hardwood.

I can tell you this because the whole story ties together. I think anyone who incurs a fine of 25 thousand because he won't say a word to the press is nuttier than the proverbial fruitcake, and I stood in the supermarket Friday deciding whether 12 dollars was too much to spend on a fruitcake. In a word, I said it was.

Hello Up There

Ok, for all of you studying at home, here's a question for both geography and physiology:

How come mountains get taller and people get shorter?

First, we turn to the words of Donovan, in his beloved song "There Is A Mountain." This was a hit song in 1967. Later, the melody from the song was turned into a jam that lasted almost 3 days, as played by the Allman Bros. 

The main point of the lyrics to the song runs like this:

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is

First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is

Well, that makes it all clear. My problem is, I am quite a literalist. I don't get symbolism and arcane allusions or even hints. If you say there is a mountain, what happened to that mountain two minutes later that caused you to say it's gone?

I looked it up. Those "in the know" say that if you're on a hike and you see a mountain, and then you climb it, when you're at the top, you don't see a mountain anymore because you're ON the mountain. 

The problem is, these people know about mountains, but they sure don't know me, if they think I'm about to climb Mt Everest!

I'm getting shorter as I get older, but not old Everest. And hold up printing the new encyclopedia...it's getting taller up in there! 

You see, back in 1998, Wally Berg, a mountain climber from out of Copper Mountain, Colorado, scaled Mt Everest, and placed a Global Positioning System receiver up near the peak. 

Himalayas

Hermalayas

Five days later, another climber got up there and picked up the GPS receiver, and found that the mountain had gotten even closer to the sky! People who study these things figured out, from checking out other GPS doodads up there, 5 1/2 miles high, that Mt Everest is growing at a rate of almost two inches per year!

It turns out that up there in the Himalayas, where the Indian continental plate pushes up against the Asian continental plate, underground action is pushing the mountain higher at the seam.

This is similar to holiday dinnertime at the family homestead, where Uncle Roger's plate, heaped with meat and fowl and gravies and sauces, pushes Aunt Edna's plate right off the TV stand they were sharing. 

The rugs needed a good going-over by the Stanley Steemer anyway.

Sunday Rerun: Down In The Dumps

 My wedding ring has gone everywhere I have gone since it was installed on my left hand on December 8, 1973. And trust me, it's not about to come off.  It's maybe a size 8 ring on what is now a size 11 finger, so it's permanent.

I see people who are able to slide their hardware on and off their fingers, and I worry about them losing their rings (and shortly thereafter, their minds!)

So it was that Shannon Lombardo of New York City removed her carat carrier and band to clean them.  And wrapped them in a paper towel.  And threw away the paper towel.

"I had just cleaned them and I had them in a paper towel. I think I got distracted with the kids, it's hard to figure out, and I think I just crumpled it up, and I didn't feel the weight of them and I threw them out," is what she told WABC-TV.

She called 311. "I was thinking, it's New York City Sanitation, there's no way I'm ever going to be able to track down my ring. I was just very skeptical, but I had nothing left to lose."

So the Sanitation people said they would wait to pick up the trash from her apartment building while she and her husband Jim dumpster dove, to no avail. That meant a trip to Fairview, New Jersey, where New York trash is parked awaiting a trip to whatever landfill it will soon occupy.

Workers at the debris depot narrowed the search field down to 800 bags recently dumped by the truck that worked her neighborhood, and it only took an hour of pawing through stuff no one else wanted to find the two things Mr and Mrs Lombardo really did. 

Apparently, this sort of thing happens all the time in The City That Doesn't Sweep. "When it's a ring, you start to think, wow, that's a small item, but we've done it before, we're trained how to find it," Sanitation Supervisor Gabriel Moreno said.

Now, she can smile again.

Mrs Lombardo took an admirably philosophical stance. "These people went above and beyond -- amazing people," she said. "Now, that's what the ring symbolizes: that there's hope and goodness in the world, and against the odds it can happen -- even in a garbage dump."

I'm sure the Lombardos were glad that this took place in March, and not August. 

The Saturday Picture Show, December 12, 2020

 

We don't often get to see a baby bee being born. That makes this boy a son of a bee!

Real Estate signs used to say "REDUCED" or "I'M BEAUTIFUL INSIDE" or "NEW A/C" but now they are answering the question we all have...

You wonder what people are thinking when they cover up a brick wall! I love brick so much that I can't imagine anything being pasted over it. This guy chipped away at the plaster and now he's back to some hearth-baked clay. Wonderful!

Bob Ross did not live long enough to see the peak of his fame. If he had, he certainly would have been in demand for pizza commercials.

You open your Klondikes and find one that did not get a wrapper. At first you go, Ewww, but later, as the boxful dwindles, you start to think, how bad could it be?

I don't know the first thing about these movies, but this drink is based on a popular plush toy, so why not?

I hope someone sees this and replicates it at their office! What a great idea.

And the capybara had some friends over for dinner, and then they all took a nap. What's better than that?