Friday, September 14, 2018

See Jane Kill

If you hang around bookstores, you'll be familiar with the signs that label the different sections, to help you find "YOUNG ADULT" or "BIOGRAPHY" or "FICTION."

You will also meet some interesting people if you meet authors listed in the "SELF HELP" department.

There are hundreds of books in that category, teaching people how to clear up their acne, lose weight, gain weight, repair a Ford, repair an Apple, grow an apple, bake an apple pie, mend broken relationships, find the love of your life, and teach pets to dance.

But let's say your wife wrote an essay called "How to murder your husband."  In that case, you should read a book about "How to make a bulletproof vest."

Here you have it, in true life: Daniel Brophy, an Oregon chef, was found shot to death in June.

Seven years ago, his wife of 27 years wrote the essay we talked about above.

Nancy Crampton-Brophy is the writer in question here. She is responsible for such magnum opuses as “Hell on the Heart” and “The Wrong Husband,” was charged with Brophy's murder on Sept. 5 - three months afterwards.

“Dan was one of the very few people I’ve known that knew exactly what he wanted in life and loved doing it,” was how she expressed her grief in June at a candlelight vigil two days after Daniel’s demise.

The cops out in Oregon aren't talking about why they booked Crampton-Brophy, 68, saying only that, “Detectives believe Nancy L. Crampton-Brophy is the suspect in Daniel C. Brophy’s murder.” Crampton-Brophy is being held for unlawful use of a weapon and murder.
Image result for Nancy L. Crampton-Brophy
She looks like Doris Roberts from "Everybody Loves Raymond"
No word on motive or evidence, but we can expect to hear those details in the future.

Daniel Brophy was  63, and was a chef at the Oregon Culinary Institute in Portland for over 10 years.

Holly Crampton is the writer's sister, and she is convinced Nancy is innocent.

“None of us believe it. It’s craziness and it’s just not true,” she stated to ABC News.

But a neighbor of the Brophys, Heidi Hutchinson, said Nancy said she might move to escape her old life because “She said that his side of the bedroom was haunting her.”

Her how-to-kill-him composition was published on a blog called  “See Jane Publish” in 2011. In it, she told us five surefire motives, and listed a slew of weapons among which to pick just the right appliance with which to off the hubby.

She offered such helpful advice as not hiring a hit man ("an amazing number of hit men rat you out to the police”) or getting your side lover to do the deed  (“Never a good idea.”)  And she came out squarely against doing Mr Not Right Any More in with poison, because it leaves traces, and “Who wants to hang out with a sick husband?”

“After all,” the blog concluded, “if the murder is supposed to set me free, I certainly don’t want to spend any time in jail.”

This is a good warning for all to check out their significant other's book shelf. If you see books with scary titles like "How to murder your husband" or "How to get your husband to clean out the basement, hang the pictures in the dining room, and get the leaves out of the rain gutter," I advise you to go to the library or bookstore yourself and find "How to run for your life" right away.

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