Oysters in a stew

For some time, many of us have yearned to vacation on Île de Ré, a French Island named in honor of Ray Romano. but one nagging problem held us back from plopping down our francs and booking passage on the good ship Le Barge Qui Fuit to spend a happy fortnight on the Bay of Biscay.

And that one hitch was, what if you want a fresh oyster at 3 AM?  What will you do? What WILL you do?

Relax and book that passage right now, because our problem has been solved, our fears allayed, our brows unknit. The world is quite literally our oyster, because Tony Berthelot, an oyster farmer, has devised a means of dispensing ice-cold oysters at any time to anyone who has the price in his or her pocket. (Actually, it only takes credit cards.)

M. Berthelot created the world's first oyster vending machine!  He raises them, harvests them, cleans them and puts them in boxes inside refrigerated (I should hope so!) compartments inside his Oysterama machine.

Then, when you're jonesing for a bivalve in the middle of the night, just report to Berthelot's machine for a variety of oysters, ranging from about €15 ($18) to €34 ($40).


Berthelot says he invested just about the same loot in the machine that he would have spent in salary for an employee, and of course, this "employee," once plugged in, will work 24-7 all around the calendar.

And he recognizes that the younger generation of oyster slurpers is more content to deal with a machine than with a real live person.

"We can come at midnight if we want, if we have a craving for oysters. It's excellent; they're really fresh," said Christel Petinon, a 45-year-old client holidaying on the island.

"We felt as though we were losing lots of sales when we are closed," Berthelot points out.

"There was a cost involved when buying this machine, of course, but we're paying it back in installments ... And today, in theory, we can say that the calculations are correct and it's working."

The big gamble in all this was, would consumers throw caution to the wind and "shell out" money for oysters, knowing full well that they were trusting Berthelot to keep them cold all along. Live mollusks not kept cool enough, or too long out of seawater, can cause food poisoning when opened.

But Mon Dieu, how convenient!