Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Love, American Style

If you need something to take your mind off the courtship rituals among the Duggar family, here's good news from the field of romance.

Love has found its way to Charles Manson.

The Duggars, of course, are the people from Arkansas with 107 kids and a family tree that goes back to early America, and a sofa that goes back to Sears next week.

Charles Manson, of course, is the unhinged psychotic who led others on an L.A. murder spree, and he's been in California prison since his conviction for that mess in 1971.  His next chance for parole will come shortly after Barack Obama is elected governor of Texas, a delay which will come as a big disappointment to Afton Elaine Burton, 26, from Illinois, who moved to California to be closer to her intended.  It will be Manson's third marriage, and her first, and every girl dreams golden dreams of magic nuptials taken in the day room at Corcoran State Prison, Manson's home until he moves to Hell.

They're registered at Crate & Barrel, which
are two things he'd probably like to pack
 her into
At least the people who marry Duggars, who are not allowed to hold hands or get frisky in any way whatsoever until they have walked back down the aisle, get to do the horizontal hula at some point. Mr and Mrs Manson will have the sum total of their intimacy at the makeshift altar, where she will enjoy seeing her grizzled 80-year-old husband lean in and plant a nice kiss on the cheek of his mysterious Mrs.  People in Manson's category get no conjugal visits in Cali; there will be no four-legged fox trot in either of their futures.

Which is for the best. I mean, what if she got pregnant?

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