Monday, May 16, 2011

The End of Daze

Preakness crowd discussing Goethe
Well, here we go with this again, and right off the bat, I wanna say, I'm not judging, not mocking.  But a lady handed me this flier as I left the Try 'N' Bag the other night, and I was rather surprised.  May 21 just is not going to be a good day for me.  It's a Saturday, and there goes my nap.  And not just any Saturday - it's Preakness Saturday here in Baltimore, where around 100,000 inebriated people jam the infield at Old Hilltop, as we fondly call Pimlico Racetrack, and spend the entire day guzzling beer and urinating in holes they dig in the ground, unaware that horse racing is going on all around them.  I heard a jockey whose hoss lost the Kentucky Derby speaking on the tv the other night.  He said that coming down the backstretch, his steed started paying more attention to what was going on in the infield at Churchill Downs than to the track in front of him.  If that's the case, you might want to put blinders on Old Swayback for the Preakness.  What he sees will surely make him stumble a bit.
Very few women leave their tops on.
Anyhow, if the end of the world really does occur this Saturday, just remember, you read it here first.  I asked the lady who handed this to me if there were any wiggle room on this due-date, but she smiled sweetly and told me no.  I remember the dire predictions of yesteryear, including the one that swept my junior high school that claimed that Martians were coming to earth to take us all away.  Apparently, wiser Martians realized how annoying a planet full of American junior high school kids would be, and the plans were scrapped.  (They sent Snooki here instead).

Brunch at your place Sunday?  Lookin' forward to it!

No comments: