Friday, May 20, 2011

Bird Dog

He does take a nice mugshot
Out of the four major spectator sports (baseball, football, basketball, and counting Arnold Schwarzenegger's offspring) I am least interested in basketball, but Eric Torpy would disagree.  Eric is the wise young man who currently calls the
Davis Correctional Facility in Holdenville, Oklahoma, his home.  What he did was an armed robbery in 2004, and he fired some shots and the judge thought that thirty years in the hoosegow sounded about right.  (Sounds a little light to me, but).  

But the big butt was Mr Torpy, whose trial took place in the courtroom in Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain and the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain. Oklahoma, where ev'ry night my honey lamb and I sit alone and talk and watch a hawk makin' lazy circles in the sky and ev'ry night, Eric Torpy can sit in his cell and say, "What the devil is WRONG with me?"  

You see, ET is a big basketball fan, and his favorite hoopster was Larry Bird, the pride of French Lick, Indiana.  Bird wore uniform number 33 during his dribblin' days, and the genius that is Eric Torpy stood in that courtroom and asked the judge to give him a 33-year sentence so that the number of years he would spend in jail would match the # on the sweaty green jersey that Bird finally peeled off for good in 1992.  

So, the judge complied, probably deducing that keeping this bozo in the Ironbar Hilton wasn't going to harm the progress of the nation in any way, shape or form.  And, if you've been following along, we've managed to do all right without him.  Now, beside the whipping wind and waving wheat that sure smells sweet (might want to have the DEA check that crop) something else has come waving through Bright Boy's mind, and he regrets asking for the additional 1,095 days in the clink, stating his case thusly:

Now that I have to do that time, I kind of wished that I had 30 instead of 33. Recently I’ve wisened up. That three is a big deal, you know? Three years matters.

Ah, how many times have you heard someone say, "Recently I've wisened up" ? Not all that often, huh?  Well, the Torpmaster General has!  And just think, if you're an employer, he'll be available for hire in, maybe, 2030-something!

No comments: