Frankly

Prior to 1954, everyone thought it was impossible for a human to run a mile in less than four minutes.  Then, an Englishman named Roger Bannister, age 25, scooted around the track four times in 3:59.4.

And then everyone thought, that will never be topped.  Top this!  Hicham El Guerrouj is the current men's record holder with his time of 3:43.13. 

The only time any male has ever run faster than that was the time at age 13 when I stumbled onto a cache of dirty magazines, Marlboro cigarettes, Atomic Jaw Breakers and cherry bombs owned by some older guys down the road. But that's another story for another time.

We always expect to do better at our endeavors then the last guy who tried it. Just ask Kris Humphries! Or Joey "Jaws" Chestnut who recently had 75 hot dogs for lunch to win the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.

40 years ago, in 1980, in the same ten-minute time period, the winner ate 10 franks.  Athletes will train and do better, and surely "Jaws" will aim for 76 tube steaks next year, if there is one. (A year, not a hot dog contest).

But there seems to be a limit to everything, with the possible exception of the Kardashians. As we often do, let's turn to a physiologist ("a biological scientist who studies how plants and animals function under both normal and abnormal conditions," as we all know). James Smoliga is a physiologist from High Point University, and he has done all the figurin', and he says that upward limit of Nathan's famous dogs on rolls that a human can gobble in ten minutes is 83. To arrive at this goal, Smoliga used to mathematical formulas that he also uses to figure out peak athletic performance in the field of track and, uh, field.

In frank-gobbling or sprint-running, it seems to be a common trait that at first, competitors's scores go way up at first. and then the rate of increase becomes more gradual. That makes sense. That score of ten dogs 40 years ago seems minuscule now, but at first, it was topped by a large margin every year, and now Chestnut is gasping to get #75 down his gullet.

"Jaws" Chestnut, left, and Mike Sudo.

This year's female champion, Miki Sudo, got down 48 1/2 dogs.  If you want to challenge her next July 4th, here's her regimen: high-volume foods, like soup, heads of broccoli and “enough kale to kill a horse.” She knows that this will stretch her belly a little at a time, like when you get gauges in your ear and gradually add larger ones until you can put a nice fresh hot dog in your lobe and wear that to dinner.