Try it?

I've seen some things in my day, food wise. I've seen the main attraction at a pig roast brought in royally on a cot, ready for the feasting, and someone thought it was a cake.

I've seen (but never tasted) a mock apple pie made of Ritz crackers, instead of apples.

I've been to MOM's Organic Market and seen people buy crickets, apparently to use instead of croutons. (I'm not kidding. This is from their website: "Since 2016, MOM’s has been selling cricket and mealworm products as part of our sustainable protein initiative."

I've heard my wonderful wife tell me of her high school days, where they ate big soft pretzels with ice cream. I say that combining salt and sweet is like putting syrup on a pizza, but multitudes side with Peggy in this debate, so I bow out. But I will admit to a habit that dates back to the early days of Colonel Sanders's campaign: I will put hot sauce on fried chicken and then douse the whole thing with honey. Can't beat it.

My dad used to like apple pie the old fashioned way, with a slice of cheddar cheese. I've never been able to try it, but then again, when I put apple butter on cottage cheese, I get the hairy eyeball a lot, so it's a to-each-his-own thing.

This one comes up every year at Thanksgiving: putting marshmallows on sweet potatoes. Marshmallows are candy, but try putting a Butterfinger bar on your yams...

Pineapple on pizza? Couldn't give you a bigger no.

Oh yeah, I've seen a guy eat a pepperoni pizza and wash it down with milk. I've seen people turn a simple cup of coffee into a pumpkin spice-gingerbread latte thing, and I think about whether the Colombian coffee farmer even dreams of such aberrations.

But I can let everything else go, now that I have seen what I saw yesterday morning on Facebook, where someone showed a picture of crabcakes desecrated with mustard on them.

No mustard, no catsup

Friends and neighbors, a crabcake is not a hot dog or a hamburger. It says here, the only suitable condiment for it is Worcestershire sauce, usually known as "worsdaedaestershay" sauce in Baltimore.

The very idea!