Mississippi Burn

“I don’t trust the perception that the world puts on people when they see things and they don’t ask the questions, they don’t look to find out the truth."

Those are the words of a man from Mississippi, current state Rep. Robert Foster (R-Hernando) who is running for governor of his state. He went on to say to CNN, "Perception is reality in this world and I don’t want to give anybody the opinion that I’m doing something that I should not be doing.”

Oh my Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! What is it that he is so afraid that people will think he's up to?

Well, it's that age-old sin of being with a woman.  And not in that carnal sense, either.  The story is that a reporter, Larrison Campbell, from the nonprofit news site Mississippi Today, asked to spend a day on the campaign trail, a ride-along with the candidate, as it were.

The problem is that Campbell is a woman! So Foster said he'd be willing to have her along, but she would have to bring a male colleague along so's the tongues down South wouldn't get to waggin'.

He wants to be governor of
a state with this flag.

(I just checked my calendar. It's still 2019 here in Maryland.)

“I’m a married man and I made a vow to my wife. And part of the agreement that we’ve also made throughout our marriage is that we would not be alone with someone of the opposite sex throughout our marriage. And that is a vow that I have with my wife” is how Foster said it to CNN, going on to say, "I didn’t want to end up in the situation where me {sic} and Ms. Campbell were alone for an extended period of time throughout that 15- to 16-hour day. And so out of precaution, I wanted to have her bring someone with her, a male colleague.

Back home in Yazoo City, Foster can't be too mad about all this, because his inane fear has brought him national attention, most of it negative, but still. It's all susPENCEfull, you know.

Foster

And when Foster told CNN that he would have acceded to the same request from a male reporter, Campbell replied, sensibly, "Why is it my responsibility to make you feel comfortable about something that, you know, that is — that, again, as your campaign director said on the phone with me, is this weird request that you have?”

Foster's reply:  "It’s my rules, my truck.”

I very much doubt that any couple ever made vows that preclude being in a room with a person of the opposite sex, but this is probably appealing to people whose sense of sanctimony is highly defined. I know that casting onself in that self-righteous "I'm so divine and so much better than you sinners" mode is a solid election strategy for those seeking the votes of the easily duped, but I have to tell you this: if a man is going to cheat on his wife, he will do so if he is chained to a gurney and on the way to the hospital with severe injuries possibly requiring amputation following an accident involving his car and a southbound freight train and one of the onlookers looks pretty that day.

And on the other hand, if a man is not inclined to cheat, he could be placed in a harem full of wanton, licentious women and nothing would happen.

Sorry to tell you that, Mr and Mrs Foster, but that's the truth, and what's funny is, deep inside, you both know it.