Cheap Trick

There are a few ways to tell if someone is really from Baltimore, or just faking it.  

• Show them a street sign that says MONUMENT ST or LOMBARD ST and ask where they are. If they answer, "MINEyament Street" or "Lumbered Street," they're good to go.
• Ask them to finish the couplet that begins "Polock Johnny is my name..." and if they smile and say, "Polish sausage is my game," they're "for the real."
• Ask if they want Old Bay sprinkled on their corn or shrimp salad or chicken or stuffed lobster. If they say yes, they are legit. If they wrinkle their nose or go, "What's Old Bay?" you are dealing with a highkey fake.

Here in Baltimore, Maryland we love Old Bay Seasoning, that tasty blend of celery salt, black pepper, crushed red pepper flakes, and paprika that we put on everything...sometimes IN ice cream. It's that good.

And we don't cotton to fakes, which is why McCormick and Co., the owners and manufacturers of the spice, filed a federal lawsuit this week claiming that a Pittsburgh spice company that produces a seasoning called New Bae is actually producing a trademark infringement.

Primal Palate is the company involved, and the suit says with some justification that they are intentionally trading on the fame and goodwill of Old Bay. McCormick’s suit states that New Bae is intended to create a wrongful association with Old Bay and to diminish its reputation, according to court records.  In other words, fool 'em and sell 'em a cheap fake.

A one-week supply for most Baltimore homes

McCormick is all in with this suit, demanding that all profits from New Bae sales be turned right over to McCormick and that everything -  products, merchandise or records - with the "New Bae" name be destroyed.

“Old Bay is a household favorite with millions of loyal consumers here in Maryland and around the country,” McCormick representative Lori Amos Robinson says. “This lawsuit was filed by McCormick to protect the trademark and avoid confusion with other brands. [Old Bay] is one of the most cherished brands in the McCormick portfolio and we intend to defend it.”

Hayley and Bill Staley are the founders of the New Bae imitation spice; they just "created" it last fall.  They say that they “didn’t intend to set up a terrible pun with this blend, but it’s really become the sweetheart blend in our kitchen.”

The legal wrangling began at once. The Staleys applied to register New Bae as a trademarked organic spice. McCormick, with justification, filed an opposition to the application and sent a cease-and-desist letter to Primal Palate in April.

PP replied with some of the worst legal moves since Rudy Giuliani, admitting that the name New Bae was intentionally chosen to create an association with Old Bay.

I'll rule on this one: Duh.

Primal Palate took to the legal courtroom known as Instagram, vowing to fight the suit and asking followers to “save New Bae.”

“Our blend is of course a nod to Old Bay, since we are always striving to offer organic, healthy options for our audiences, and provide full transparency with ingredients,” the post says.

“We do not see any merit to their claims, as we feel like it’s far from likely to confuse customers, and our blends are also very very different. In fact, the way we named it was meant to differentiate it, not to mention we don’t even know what the ingredients are in Old Bay.”

Hayley Staley (I love people whose names rhyme) says Wow! What a surprise!

“We're a small, family-owned business and all of our heart and soul goes into our blends, so it's hard for me to feel someone wants to take that away from us,” Staley said. “It's pretty devastating actually.”

Let me walk you through this, Hayley Staley, because it's a legal minefield, but you can't set up a hamburger stand and peddle something you call a "Bigg Mack" because, well, copyright laws.  I wouldn't try to come out with "Budd Wiser" beer or the "Player Station" video game or an "Eye Pad" tablet either. 

 But you can call your product "Cheap Fake" and get away with it, probably.