All Day I Dream About Shoes

7-eyed Jacks

Time was, if you left the house wearing sneakers, or "tennis shoes," (even though you weren't going to be anywhere near a tennis court) you had to be wearing Jack Purcells, or hide your feet in shame. And that's not so easy, especially when you're walking.

I never cared for that sort of forced-fashion-conformity, yet I followed the crowd until one day, while sitting in a college classroom in which transcendental poetry was being discussed at great length, I deduced that I should wear what I wanted to, when I wanted to, and since that day I have paid little attention to what other people thought about my wardrobe, and to transcendental poetry, except for those poems beginning with "There once was a man named Thoreau..."

How they look best

But, no matter what sort of tennis shoes you like, there are two camps among wearers...those who feel that their shoes must be kept pure white and pristine, free from dirt and wear, and those who like that lived-in look for their footwear.  It was a rite of late August to get new Jacks and run around the baseball field a few times so they would pick up that nice dusty beige color, the better to wear while parading into school. 

Well, son, this is 2014, and we don't have time to get our own shoes dirty.  Adidas - the brand name that we all know to be an acronym for "all day I dream about sex" - has come out with their X KZK ZX 750 RG 84-Lab model shoes.  The RG stands for Really Grubby, I guess, because if the shoe seeker is too lazy to go out and get his or her shoes dirtied up a little, these babies come to you pre-muddied.

Oh well, now I mean, really.